


the wrong girl

by salacious



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternative Universe - Wedding, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends in Love, F/M, Idiots in Love, Kinda Like Love Rosie, Not Actually Unrequited Love, OOC!Nat, OOC!Steve, Unrequited Love, capwidow - Freeform, romanogers - Freeform, stevenat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salacious/pseuds/salacious
Summary: "I am not the kind of girl who should be rudely bargin' in on a white veil occasion, but you are not the kind of boy who should be marryin'the wrong girl."~ Taylor SwiftIn which Steve and Natasha are best friends who fell in love, but he ends up marrying the wrong girl.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 82
Kudos: 179





	1. the wrong girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part one:
> 
> Natasha arrives at the resort and finds out news that could change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to ally
> 
> here's my first attempt to write something every day this week for ya xx
> 
> ~*~
> 
> y'all this reads like a spanish soap opera, maybe one day i'll edit it and make it all nice and pretty, but for now, let's just slap these two idiots xx

If you asked her months ago if she was over Steve Rogers, Natasha would give a confident yes – it would be a confident _lie_ , but it would be a yes, nonetheless.

Then came the invitation and she was forced to face the truth.

It was impossible to get over someone like Steve Rogers.

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the marriage of Lorraine Stern and Steve Rogers._

Natasha can remember the exact moment she received that godforsaken wedding invitation. She had just gotten back from a short morning jog and she was sorting through her mail when she saw the embroidered envelope.

The information for the date was written in fancy black font with gold swirls to decorate and she really didn’t expect it. She hadn’t seen Steve in almost two years, hell they hadn’t even spoken. They weren’t friends on social media because he was reluctant to join any sites – something that Sam and Bucky had picked on him for years – so, Natasha really didn’t know anything about him.

She told herself that it’s because they were busy living their lives; she finally finished paying off her dance studio loan and was making a name for herself amongst the elite of the community.

Steve was probably conquering the world as the best paediatrician in New York; wouldn’t surprise her if he was the best one in the entire east coast! Steve was just that good.

They would spend most of their weeknights (and weekends too, honestly) studying their asses off. While she quizzed him on the different muscles on the human body, he’d be squeezing and kneading her sore feet. They were a great team, unstoppable even and had she not screwed things up that night, she might still have her best friend in her life.

When they met, Steve was on the third year of his undergrad program and she was a freshman. They met at the library, during finals week, when the university brought in therapy puppies to help the students with their stress. They practically fought each other to cuddle Remi, the cute little golden retriever that kept melting Nat with his gooey eyes and adorable ears.

Steve called a truce and they spent the rest of the night talking over hot cocoa. They left the library at 1 am and ever since then, they became best friends. Their friendship even rivalled Steve’s and Bucky’s, and not that he’d ever admit it, but Bucky was a little jealous.

Sam joined their little group around the same time Nat did and they became inseparable. It was thanks to them that her four years in school didn’t suffocate her. They took her out everywhere, showed her parts of New York that she didn’t even know existed and when she moved off campus, they helped her with everything.

They became her family.

And, sure, she was close to the guys, but her friendship with Steve was… _different_. They were more in-tune. They could practically read each other’s mind and they were attached at the hip. Everyone swore they’d end up married, but…

It happened during his second year of residency. He had just gotten his results for STEP2, which he had – of course – passed, and they went out to celebrate. Bucky had gotten food poisoning, so Sam took him back to their apartment and Steve stayed with Nat.

She doesn’t remember much of the actual night, of the drinking and the partying, she just remembers how soft his lips were against hers when he walked her to her door and how she pulled him into her apartment by his shirt.

The thing about kissing Steve – which was probably what ruined her – was that he kissed without abandon, he kissed her as if he needed her to breathe – like kissing her was his favourite thing to do. And she completely melted in his arms.

And she wishes she couldn’t remember it.

She wishes that she could forget how he felt, how perfect she fit against his body and how badly they had both wanted it. How he tasted and how smooth his naked skin felt against hers. She distinctly remembers the feeling of when he first touched her, how she nearly fell apart in his arms and all he had done was rub her damn panties.

But in her defence, they had known each other for years, had wanted that for the past eight years. All the tension that had built up completely wrecked her and she knew then that she was irrevocably in love with Steve Rogers.

Too bad his dad thought she was a nuisance.

The morning after the best night of her life (as cliché as it sounded, it really was) Steve’s dad was calling him. And it’s not like Joseph was a mean father, Natasha really did understand that he was just looking out for his son, but in looking out for Steve’s best interests, he broke her heart.

Natasha accidentally answered the phone. Steve’s phone was on her nightstand and the previous night had left her disoriented, so without bothering to even check the phone, she answered.

Needless to say, Joseph was extremely disappointed that Steve had spent the night with her when he “could’ve been preparing for STEP 3.” He told Natasha that if she really did care for his son, the best thing she could do was not be a distraction, she could let Steve finish his residency, become a successful paediatrician and not get in his way.

That a “petty romp in the sheets” would just ruin his chances of achieving his dream.

And, in hindsight, Natasha knew that she wasn’t a distraction. She was the one that stayed up with him when he needed to study during his graduate classes. She was the one that would make him flashcards and make sure he’d eat during stressful tests.

She hadn’t been Steve’s distraction, she had been his help, his support – and if she had only realised that two years ago, she wouldn’t be walking into this damn resort for his wedding. She wouldn’t have lost him, she would’ve-

It was too late.

She had been dumb and young.

She listened to what Joseph Rogers said and left. She went to work that morning without talking to Steve and when she came back, he was off to work. She applied to a job in another state and moved the next few weeks and lost contact with him.

Well, she ignored his calls and avoided him like the plague.

“Natasha?!”

She stops on her tracks and beams at the person that called her name.

It was Bucky. Sam was next to him and when they realised it was her, they ran in her direction.

“Oh my _god_!” Sam laughed, squeezing her and lifting her from the ground. “Look at you! It’s been ages and you _still_ look the same!”

“Well,” Bucky tilted his head to the side, a flirty glint in his eyes, “I wouldn’t say that. I think she’s matured and filled in rather nice-” Sam smacked him upside the head while Natasha simultaneously pinched his bicep. “Ow!”

She laughed and hugged him tightly. “It’s been two years, you jerk.”

He kisses her temple. “Feels like a lifetime; you’re like our little sister. You just disappeared.”

Sam shot him a look and nudged him, jabbing his elbow into his side. “C’mon, man, stop bringing that shit up.”

Natasha flicked Bucky’s earlobe and let Sam take her suitcase. “I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I could handle chaperoning this idiot by myself anymore.”

“What makes you think I’m helping you chaperone?”

Sam pouted his lip, attempting to give her his best Puss in Boots impersonation and she laughed, sliding her arm around his and leaned against his shoulder.

Before he could say anything, though, they were suddenly standing in front of Steve and who she assumed was his fiancée.

His eyes widened a fraction when he saw her and she’d be lying if she said that it didn’t make her tingle all over. They were still the same shade of blue, almost turquoise and they only shone more with the damn tight buttoned-down shirt he had. It’s like it had been fitted just to outline his muscles and make her mouth water.

_Yep, definitely not over him._

“Nat,” he sounded breathless, like seeing her affected him just as much as it had her.

Natasha smiled, though, composed and sweet, because his fiancée tightened her grip on Steve’s bicep and sent an icy look her way. “Hi.”

“You’re here.”

“I am.”

Sam and Bucky watched with raised eyebrows as the former best friends greeted each other. It was obvious that there was _something_ there, but they knew better than to bring anything up. They did, however, give each other knowing looks and sighed because they thought that Steve marrying Lorraine Stern was the biggest mistake he could make.

Not like he’d listen or anything.

Steve Rogers was as stubborn as they came and he had it stuck in his mind that he’d grow to love Lorraine if they just got married.

It was a pretty stupid plan, if you asked Bucky, but what did he know? According to Steve, all he did was run after the first pretty girl he’d see and try to charm the skirt off her.

Steve took a tentative step toward her, dropping Lorraine’s arm and pulled Nat into a tight hug. If he heard the sharp intake of breath she did, he didn’t say anything. He simply burrowed his face into her neck and nearly squeezed her to death.

That would have been the happiest way to die for Natasha.

In fact, she’d ask for that; to be killed by Steve Rogers – and the way he pulled back to look at her, like if he was worried that she’d disappear or that she wasn’t real? Well, that was the way he seemed to want to carry out her murder.

“It’s been so long,” he murmured softly, completely forgetting their audience. Before she could say anything else, Lorraine stepped up, practically yanking him away and cleared her throat.

“Steve,” she said his name in an overtly saccharine voice, “aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

Steve blinked, seemingly snapping back to reality and cleared his throat. He straightened his back, taking a step back from Nat and the sweetness in his eyes disappeared. He was still smiling, but the initial softened look was gone. “Nat, this is Lorraine.” He patted Lorraine’s hand, “Lorraine, this is Natasha.”

Lorraine gave her a once-over, tightening her perfectly manicured hands around Steve’s bicep and forced a smile. “Nice to meet you. Wish I could say I’ve heard a lot about you, but…” she trailed off, shrugging an arm and Sam uttered a curse under his breath.

“It’s alright,” Natasha waved the comment away, “it’s been a while since the guys and I spent time together.”

While she spoke, Steve kept his eyes glued to her. She wasn’t looking at him, but she could feel his gaze piercing through her, he was practically burning a hole into her face with how intensely he looked at her.

Lorraine didn’t seem to notice, though, she seemed to be too busy trying to keep her snarky comments to herself. She didn’t know what it was, but she didn’t like Natasha. That was okay with Natasha, though, she hadn’t been Steve’s best friend for a very long time.

She trusted he was making a good call, that Lorraine was the perfect woman for him.

And, it’s not like Natasha didn’t have a good self-esteem; she knew she was beautiful in her own way. But Lorraine looked like she had stepped out of a fashion magazine; tall, leggy, blonde and blue-eyed – the complete opposite of what Natasha was.

Lorraine was wearing a pair of strappy sandals, they had a bit of a heel and without the heel, she still managed to reach Steve’s head. Natasha had to stand on her tip-toes and he _still_ had to crane his neck to look down at her.

All in all, they seemed like the perfect couple.

“Where did you meet?”

“University,” Natasha responded, shifting uncomfortably from the heat of the sun. She wanted to get to her room and was praying that she could blast the AC ‘till she turned into a block of ice. She knew that Steve loved the ocean, so it made sense for him to get married near it, but the summer heat was starting to get to her.

Steve nodded, absentmindedly licking his bottom lip. “At the library, finals week. We fought over Remi.”

“He liked me more,” Natasha smirked.

“He did not!”

“O-okay,” Bucky interrupted before things turned even weirder. If Lorraine kept glaring at Natasha any longer, he’d worry that she’d end up in a ditch. “I think we should get Nat checked in. That flight was probably long.”

She snapped her gaze from Steve’s and nodded. “Yeah, it was. I’m dying to shower.”

“Mm.” Lorraine pressed her lips together, giving her a fake tilted smile and tried to pull Steve away.

Sam and Bucky began to escort Natasha into the resort, trying to convince her to go out with them for food. Bucky was starving – no surprise there – what _was_ surprising was that he’d manage to stay in shape with all the food he ate. Steve and Sam were the same and Natasha kind of envied them because she didn’t starve herself, but as a dancer, she had to be careful with what she ate.

“Nat?” Steve called over his shoulder, stopping Lorraine in her tracks and from the annoyed look she kept giving him, they could tell that she wasn’t happy with his decision to stop their stroll. “You’ll be joining us for the rehearsal dinner tonight, yeah?”

Lorraine opened her mouth to protest but thought better of it.

“Um…” She gnawed on her bottom lip, unsure of her answer. The last thing she wanted to do was watch Steve and Lorraine act like a couple, which, in all honesty, was _stupid_. It had been _two_ years since she last saw him, she should be _over_ him!

“Come on,” Sam nudged her with his elbow, “it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah,” Steve added, “like old times.”

She swallowed at the implications behind his words but nodded. “Okay, sure. I’ll come.”

\+ + +

Natasha had forgotten how much she missed Sam and Bucky. They were a pair of idiots, but they managed to make this dreaded trip completely worth it.

And it really was like old times. They kept her mind occupied and made her laugh so hard that she had tears rolling down her cheeks while they ate burgers.

During their time together, they caught up on their lives. Bucky was a physical therapist and Sam had established himself as a great counsellor. They were doing what made them happy and that, in turn, made Natasha happy.

Their conversation ultimately turned to discuss Steve and his life, and she was thankful that they didn’t bring up her decision to disappear from their lives. She kept contact with them during those two years, they knew she had taken the offer to work somewhere else, and while she was sure they knew _something_ must’ve happened, they didn’t know _what_ had happened.

Lorraine came into the conversation and she found that Sam and Bucky didn’t like her. They thought she was too controlling and they “didn’t really trust her.” They didn’t know what it was, but something was off.

They did say some nice things about her. How she was the reason Steve seemed to stop focusing on work so much. They didn’t explicitly say that it was Natasha’s fault, but they did mention that he had turned into a shell of his former self when she left.

When they saw the tears welling in her eyes, they thankfully changed the subject.

She wished she could say that she was happy for Steve for finding someone, but part of her was selfish. What hurt the most was all the “what ifs” she kept focusing on and the way her heart kept speeding up at the mere mention of him.

Coming to his wedding was a damn mistake.

But how could she not?

Loving someone meant wanting them to be happy and if being with Lorraine made Steve happy, then she should support it.

Sure, they hadn’t talked in years but for 8 years before that, they had been inseparable. Steve had been there for the important events in her life, the least she could do was return the favour.

She went to his graduation; he went to hers. He brought her flowers and recorded the entire event, screaming her name proudly when she took her diploma. That night he took her out to eat and spent every other second reminding her that he was proud of her.

After working a 12-hour shift, Steve would accompany her to retail listings, to check out the spaces for her future dance studio and no matter how many times she told him to rest, that he deserved it, he was adamant that he’d keep her company and make sure she was safe.

Because, sure, Natasha was capable, he and the boys had made sure she could kick some proper ass but being by her side just brought him a sense of peace. Plus, they spent way too many times watching _America’s Most Wanted_ like it was a sport – and while Natasha would never admit it, it made her somewhat paranoid.

So, even though she considered throwing the invitation away when she first got it, she marked down that she wasn’t taking a plus one and filled out the reservation.

Out of respect for their past, she’d go and support him.

After catching up with Sam and Bucky during lunch, she headed back to the rooms to try and rest a little before the rehearsal dinner that night. She didn’t really expect to be invited for that, but luckily she packed two formal dresses to choose from for the wedding.

As she walked up the stairs to the third floor, she tried to list out which dress she’d prefer for the night – and, that’s when she saw them.

Lorraine and another man – someone that wasn’t Steve.

He had dark hair and tanned skin, like he worked a lot under the sun and as his sleeves shifted up to his bicep, she noticed the tattoos running up and down his arms.

They were pushed up against the wall, her leg grinding against his thigh as he mouthed down her neck and murmured things against her skin.

“Come on, Lor,” he grunted, nipping at the top of her breasts, “I’m fucking tired of waiting!”

“Well,” she snapped but whimpered when he applied pressure to her inner thighs, “you’re gonna have to. Until I’m Mrs. Rogers, I can’t give you the money you’re asking for.”

Natasha was frozen on the spot. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing, but the shock prevented her from doing or saying anything.

The man growled a curse under his breath and Lorraine cupped her hands around his chin, pulling him forward until they were kissing. “That doesn’t mean I can’t pay you other ways, baby.”

They kissed again and Natasha took a step back to hold on to the railing next to her. She felt physically ill to her stomach, she wanted to vomit and scream.

“Not here, Brock,” she sighed, “just wait for me tonight. It’ll be worth it.” She patted his cheek and adjusted the skirt of her dress before strutting down the hall.

Natasha covered her mouth, trying to keep the bile down and felt her heart threatening to beat out of her chest. She didn’t know if she could move, let alone _breathe_. It felt like someone had punched her in the gut – no, no, like a freight train ran her over.

Her sharp breaths seemed to alert Lorraine’s lover of her presence and he frowned down at her.

“You okay?”

She recoiled from him, scowling as she looked up. She was quiet for a few moments, just staring up at him like he was the devil himself and when she finally spoke, her voice was soft, raw. “She’s about to get married. How could you even-”

His eyes widened a millisecond, as if realisation struck him and then he was towering over her. He wrapped his thick fingers around her throat, squeezing hard enough to leave marks and Natasha raised her knee, trying to knee him between the legs.

He seemed to know what she was going to do before she did it, though, because he shifted so that her knee hit the outside of his thigh and with a flick of his wrist, he had her pinned against the wall.

Natasha huffed, grimacing when her back hit the concrete wall and she clawed at his hands around her throat.

“You saw nothing.” He pressed his body to hers, brushing his mouth against her jawline as he whispered, “Wouldn’t want anything happening to the groom before the wedding.”

The moment he said that, she felt the blood draining from her face. Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “You wouldn’t.”

He flexed his hand around her throat, hesitating and then took a step back, grinning maliciously. “You have no proof; loverboy is head over heels.” He shrugged, “And, who is he going to believe? A dumb guest or the bride?”

Natasha reached to touch her throat, glaring at him. “Fuck you.”

He laughed, loud and then walked away from her, fully aware that she wouldn’t do anything.

The worst part wasn’t being pinned to a wall or nearly strangled – the worst part was that he was right. There’s no way that Steve would believe her without any proof.

Not after she left him without any reason.

Could she even tell him?

Could she even stare him in the eye and tell him that the woman he was about to marry was using him?

No.

The answer was no.

She couldn’t.

\+ + +


	2. you need to hear me out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part two:
> 
> Natasha struggles with her feelings during the rehearsal dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this was two hours late!
> 
> i got so sad while writing it that i cried and had to step back lmao
> 
> but! the next part, we get steve's side

For the next four hours, Natasha stayed in her room, staring up at the white ceiling as she contemplated...well, everything.

She was still shaking and feeling completely sick when she got back to the room. She kept replaying the scene over and over in her mind, trying to comprehend how someone could even think of cheating on Steve.

Steve, who, after staying up all night to study for three finals, drove two hours to pick her up when her shitty Corolla broke down on the highway.

Steve, who brought her flowers and chocolates when she skipped class because of her painful cramps. Who brought her a tub of cookies and cream ice cream and cuddled her for the rest of the day while rubbing her lower back.

Steve, who was so fucking selfless and caring; who, according to Lorraine’s lover, was head over heels in love with Lorraine.

Natasha couldn’t understand it, couldn’t wrap her mind around the idea that anyone would take advantage of his kindness.

It made her cry in the shower until the hot water went tepid and she could _feel_ her heartbeat throbbing in her head.

She laid on the bed, wrapped in a towel because she was too tired to dry her hair and get dressed, and kept thinking about what she would do. What she _should_ do.

If she was the one being cheated on, she would want to know.

But the day right before their wedding?!

How long had she been hurting him?

There was a slight possibility that Steve was aware, but if being his best friend for 8 years proved anything, it was that Steve valued honesty above everything.

If he was still the same man she knew and grew to love, he’d want to know.

Yet, the problem still stood; she had no evidence.

After nearly driving herself insane, she decided that she would vaguely talk to him about it and during the conversation, she would determine whether it would be a good idea to bring it up or not.

What she honestly wanted to do was drag Lorraine down the beach and drown her for being such a manipulative bitch. The only thing that stopped her from doing so was the slight possibility that Steve might never forgive her.

It’s not like she’d now become a constant part of Steve’s life, but she at least would like to know he was okay, that he was happy.

_How can he be happy being with someone that’s cheating on him?!_

When the clock struck 5 pm, she decided to stop torturing herself and start getting ready for the dinner. Bucky had said that the wedding rehearsal would end at 5 and that they would all then meet up for dinner at 6 pm.

She was thankful that Steve didn’t ask her to join them for the wedding rehearsal. She wasn’t sure if she could handle hearing them practice their vows or even seeing Steve’s face of pure adoration when Lorraine walked into the church.

The last wedding she had been to was Clint’s and Laura’s. It had been beautiful, it brought her to tears and seeing two people so in love? Well, she wasn’t sure she could handle seeing Steve like that with someone else – someone who obviously didn’t love him as much.

She knew that during the rehearsal dinner, they would give toasts and proclaim their love for each other amongst friends, but she planned to hide between Sam and Bucky, and drink enough that she would be able to tune out those parts.

It was a pretty solid plan if you asked her.

What could possibly go wrong when you mixed alcohol and suppressed feelings for the groom?

Natasha ended up choosing the emerald dress for the night. Mostly because it made her eyes sparkle, but also because it was a safe choice; pretty and elegant.

The skirt of the dress went just below her knees and the fabric was so soft and light, that whenever she moved, she seemed to twirl. The neckline dipped slightly, but not too much that it made it indecent. And sure, she hesitated because the sleeves were strappy, but she told herself it was okay because they were at a beach resort and it was warm.

She paired the dress with a pair of nude-coloured opened-toed heels and kept her makeup light. She didn’t really want to attract any attention to herself and she feared that heavy makeup would do just that.

She swiped on a mauve-coloured lipstick, just dabbing it once to make sure the colour wasn’t too noticeable and added a touch of skin-tone eyeshadow to finish the dewy look she was going for. With a swipe of mascara, she tied her hair up in a high ponytail and left a few loose strands to frame her face.

She didn’t feel like doing much to it and after her tear-induced headache, she probably should’ve left her hair down, but she had a sneaking suspicion that she’d be drinking a little more than usual that night. She tended to get warm quickly.

At exactly 5:50 pm, she headed down to the reserved room. The doors were adorned with twinkling, golden fairy lights and white curtains, and hanging from the doorframe was a sign that read _To the Future Mr. & Mrs. Rogers_.

Natasha breathed in deeply, hoping that she was wearing her best “no, I’m not broken over this wedding” facial expression, and walked into the hall.

The guests were already sitting at their tables and they were all turned to the far wall, where a projector was displaying pictures of the happy couple. _Ed Sheeran_ droned on in the background about love and Natasha wondered if she could actually sit through this.

“Hi! Are you here with the wedding party?” The hostess asked. She had on a sweet smile, comforting as if she knew that Natasha was seconds away from stealing one of the wine bottles off the drinks station and drowning her miseries with a bottle of _Cabernet Sauvignon,_

Instead of making a fool of herself, though, Natasha nodded. “Yeah.”

“What’s your name?”

“Natasha. Natasha Romanoff.”

She glanced down at her list, flipping through it and grinned when she found her name. “You’re at table one. Right, this way.”

Natasha tightened her grip on her handbag and tried her hardest not to make her heels cackle loudly. A few people turned back to look at her as she walked by them, but she didn’t recognise any of them.

“Here you are.” The hostess whispered, motioning for the seat tucked between Sam and Bucky.

“Thank you!”

Of course, the seat coincidentally happened to be right across from the happy couple. Yeah, maybe two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon would help her tonight. She glanced in their direction and gritted her teeth when she realised that Lorraine’s lover was sitting on the table right behind them.

Nope, definitely three bottles.

“Nat!” Sam noticed her first and stood up from his seat to hug her tightly.

She smiled, kissing his cheek and gave Bucky a quick one-arm hug. She settled herself between them and tried to ignore all the stares that she attracted when Sam called her name.

“You look beautiful!”

Steve turned back and shot her a sweet smile. “Hi!” He mouthed and she gave him a small wave.

“Thanks,” she squeezed Sam’s arm, “you guys clean up nicely.”

And they did. They both wore white, crisp buttoned-down shirts with cute black bows. Their suit jackets were draped over the back of their chairs and Bucky had run his fingers through his hair plenty of times to ruffle it a bit.

Up on the wall, they showed a picture of Steve and Lorraine out on a yacht. He had his arm draped over her shoulders, pulling her into his embrace and they were kissing.

Natasha averted her eyes from the moving collage and leaned toward Bucky. “When are they serving alcohol?”

A chuckle rumbled through his chest and he turned sideways to whisper, “I dunno, but I’m starving.”

She smiled, swatting his shoulder. “When aren’t you?”

He stuck his tongue out to her and turned back to face the pictures.

Natasha breathed in deeply, glancing down at the set-up in front of her and tried to distract herself by counting the golden swirls on the appetiser plate.

“Aww!” The room erupted in contented sighs at whatever was displaying and Natasha refused to look up.

_How would you feel, if I told you I loved you?_

“They’re so cute.” The girl behind her gushed.

_I’ll be taking my time, spending my life falling deeper in love with you._

“Lorraine is so lucky.” Someone whispered.

“No,” someone else whispered in response, “Steve is the lucky one.”

_So tell me that you love me too._

Natasha reached for the glass of water in front of her and began to drank it like someone that had just spent the past few weeks in the desert. She tightened her grip on the glass and tried her hardest to relax her posture. Her back was starting to hurt.

Sam leaned forward, placing his hand on her lower back and she shifted, startled. “You okay?”

She nodded. “Yeah, just a little thirsty.”

He furrowed his eyebrows slightly, not fully believing her but he also didn’t want to push her.

Bucky suddenly turned around, making her widen her eyes and grinned. “Would you look at that? She hasn’t changed one bit!”

She frowned, not knowing what he was talking about and then felt her blush start from the base of her neck all the way up to her damn forehead. Up on the screen was a picture of all of them; Sam, Steve, Bucky and her.

The picture was taken for Steve’s graduation. He had his arm wrapped around her waist and held his college diploma with the other. Sam was standing next to her, holding bunny ears over her head while Bucky did the same over Steve’s head.

Natasha was holding a sign congratulating Steve on graduating and she was nearly splitting her cheeks in half from how hard she was smiling.

_Maybe I came on too strong. Maybe I waited too long. Maybe I played my cards wrong, oh just a little bit wrong. Oh, baby, I apologise for it._

Her breathing hitched in her throat at the next picture displayed. It was during that summer; they had taken a road trip up to the Poconos in Pennsylvania as a graduating gift for Steve. They would camp out in Steve’s parent’s camper and then make their way to _Hersheypark_ and see what all the fuss was about.

That had been one of the best summers of her life.

_So don’t call me baby unless you mean it. Don’t tell me you need me if you don’t believe it. So let me know the truth before I dive right into you._

In the picture, Steve was staring at her with a sweet smile on his face as she laughed so hard at something Bucky had said. She was laughing so much that her face was slightly blurred, but she was so damn happy that she didn’t care that Sam was taking pictures of them.

The next picture that came on was actually a video. It was another bit of their road trip. Bucky was slumped against the window, snoring while Steve and Natasha rode up front. It was Steve’s turn to drive and he swore that Natasha was a better co-pilot than Sam, so they switched seats.

Sam recorded them as they belted out an off-tune rendition of Carly Rae Jepsen’s _Call Me Maybe._

“Man,” Bucky turned back to them, laughing, “why the hell would you give them that to post?!”

Sam laughed, winking at him. “Was trying to show your good side.”

Bucky flipped him off. “Fuck you.”

Sam nudged Natasha’s shoulder. “Tell me I’m wrong. Isn’t that his good side?”

“Yeah,” she croaked and quickly cleared her throat. She didn’t think the videos would affect her that much. But there she was, blinking away her tears, croaking like a sick frog.

And, why the hell was Ed Sheeran still playing?! Couldn’t they play something else?! The DJ sucked.

Thankfully, the next set of pictures were of Lorraine and her friends, and Natasha felt like she could breathe again. After the photo collage display was over, the couple stood up to thank their guests for joining them for the most important day of their lives and happily said the food would be coming out shortly.

Steve wrapped his arm around Lorraine’s waist, smiling down at her sweetly as she spoke and Natasha thanked the gods above when the waiter brought the bottle of champagne over. She immediately guzzled the drink down, earning a raised eyebrow from Bucky.

“Told you,” she licked her bottom lip, “I’m thirsty.”

“Hey,” he held his hands up in mock surrender, “I’ll be right behind you. This damn bow tie is cutting off my circulation and I told Steve I’d only wear it if he gave me plenty of alcohol.”

Sam rolled his eyes, leaning forward. “I’m not dragging your sorry ass back to the room if you blackout, Barnes.”

“That’s okay, Nat will help me.”

“Nat,” she lifted her glass after the waiter refilled it, “is also drinking tonight.” She turned to Sam with a cheeky grin, “And Sam is going to be an absolute dear and carry me back to my room.”

Sam scowled. “You two suck.”

Bucky held his flute up to toast with Nat and she grinned, gently touching the glass to his. “You love us, Wilson.”

Steve and Lorraine returned to their seats shortly after and Natasha shifted uncomfortably on her seat when Lorraine reached over to give Steve a chaste kiss. Steve pulled back, murmuring something in her ear and Natasha looked around, wondering where the hell the waiter was with her bottle.

Champagne wouldn’t get her drunk quick enough. She needed vodka and cheap beer; mixing those two would surely get her fucked up – and with the way Steve and Lorraine kept acting, she needed it.

They weren’t overly sweet to each other, but Natasha couldn’t even bear to look at them interact. It was too much. Not because she loved him (totally because she loved him) but because she just kept seeing Lorraine and her lover making out next to the vending machines.

“Hey,” Steve reached over, tapping the table, right in front of her, “since I didn’t ask you what you wanted to eat, I ordered you chicken and steak with mashed potatoes. Hope that’s okay.”

Natasha nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine.”

He smiled at her sweetly, completely oblivious to the butterflies erupting in her stomach because of his damn gaze. “I’m so happy you came.”

“Yeah,” Lorraine added, wrapping her arm around Steve’s, “thank you for coming.”

Natasha tilted her head away from the waiter, watching as he poured more champagne in her flute. “You’re welcome.”

Sam wrapped his arm around Natasha’s shoulder, pulling her into him tightly. “Nat’s the type of girl to light up the whole room with just her presence.”

She smiled but hid behind the glass as to not have to talk.

Steve nodded, smiling softly. “Yeah.”

“Oh!” Lorraine squealed, “Remember this song? We danced to it at my uncle’s wedding!”

Bucky snorted and muttered under his breath, “Steve can’t dance. I bet you he trampled around like a new-born calf.”

Sam laughed, making Nat shift along with his contagious laughter. “Man, you remember when Nat tried to teach him how to dance for his parent’s gala? If Nat, our amazing dancer, can’t teach him how to dance…” he shrugged, trailing off as Bucky burst out laughing.

“Hey,” Steve grinned, “I’ll have you know I learned how to waltz.”

“Don’t listen to him, Nat,” Bucky whispered, “he still walks around with two left feet.”

That made her laugh even louder (and she was happy to say that the alcohol was sort of kicking in.) She wasn’t a lightweight, but she was trying to get drunk as quickly as possible.

The wine was finally passed around and that gave her a good buzz, enough that when the food came out, she ate it all to make sure she wouldn’t get too fucked up.

Through it all, she wishes she could say that her mind didn’t make her _see_ things. See, while everyone began to talk at the table, congratulating the couple for their upcoming wedding, Natasha could swear that Steve kept his eyes glued to her.

She tried occupying herself with Sam and Bucky’s dumb jokes and bets over who could score a dance with “the prettiest girl” around. They both swore that Natasha would get a dance with each of them, well, they actually made _her_ promise that she’d save them a dance.

Natasha did everything she could to avoid locking gazes with Steve, but it was nearly impossible not to when she could _feel_ him looking at her. Lorraine seemed to busy playing the perfect host, walking around taking pictures with the guests, and Steve gave noncommittal answers to his parents when they tried to engage him in conversation with his future in-laws.

But through it all, he kept sneaking glances and shooting her warm smiles, like they shared a secret and in all honesty, it made Natasha want to flip the table and fight him.

If he kept _looking_ at her like that, she’d start making up stupid ideas in her head. The fond gazes, the sweet smiles – she hated it! All of it, it just made her want to drink even more.

Then came the toasts, and Natasha should’ve known that this night wouldn’t go by without any problems.

Lorraine’s dad spoke first. He congratulated Steve and warned him of the possible consequences of hurting his “precious daughter.” Natasha gagged. He did tell the guests that Steve was a great man and that he was happy to be adding a son to the family.

Then Joseph Rogers spoke, he gave a short sweet speech about how proud he was of Steve and how he wished only the best for them. That he hoped Steve would look up to his parents as a good example of what marriage was like and cheered for a lifetime of happiness.

Other guests spoke, said sweet things about them and made jokes. Natasha even found herself grinning at some of them. When Sam and Bucky spoke, she knew that she should’ve snuck out and never return.

It was like she could see the damn future; she could _feel_ it. They were going to ask her to say something and no matter how many ways she tried of saying no, they’d make her.

She just knew it was coming.

So, she began stuffing her mouth with cake and drank the rest of the wine in her glass, keeping her head down.

Bucky gave the idea first. “You should say something!”

She nearly choked on the piece of pineapple filling.

“Yeah!” Sam added, patting her back, “We know you’ve got some good stories.”

Natasha shook her head. “I shouldn’t. I-I can’t. It’s…”

“Sure you can!” Bucky nudged her, “You’re badass.”

“And it would make our night,” Sam whispered, “if you can embarrass him.”

“No,” she was starting to shake, “I don’t have anything. I mean I didn’t even-”

“None of us did!” He tugged her up to her feet. “Come on.” He faced the guests, clearing his throat to call their attention and Natasha nearly felt the floor disappearing under her feet as they all turned to look at them.

Lorraine, who was giggling with a few girlfriends stopped laughing and raised an eyebrow in mild interest.

“This is Natasha,” Bucky smiled, slightly slurring his words, “she’s one of our best friends. She’s known Steve for eight years and I think it’s only fair that she says a few words to the groom and bride.”

The room erupted into cheers because, like her, most of the guests were drunk. Someone whistled, calling her hot and she tried to ignore the way Steve’s smile froze and quickly turned into a frown.

Her stomach flipped and she held onto the back of her chair for balance, trying her best to keep her food down. Now she regretted stuffing her mouth with the cake.

“H-hi.” She pursed her lips, breathing in deeply. “As, uh, Bucky said, I’ve known Steve for a few years now. We,” she gulped, “we met at university.” Her face flared up in embarrassment and she reached for Sam’s cup. “Give me a second.”

“Hey!” Sam laughed, “That’s mine.”

“Y’all made me do this,” she muttered, scowling.

Once she finished Sam’s wine, she took another deep breath and turned to face Steve. Lorraine walked up to their table, wrapping her hands around Steve’s shoulders. “The guys want me to say something embarrassing, but I, uh, I’ve got nothing. They already shared the best stories. So,” she cleared her throat, praying to all the gods above that she wouldn’t make a fool of herself, “I’ll just say a few words.”

Natasha was quiet for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to start or what to even say, and then the words were stumbling past her lips. “Steve…Steve is the kind of man that makes you want to be a better person. He’s courageous and sweet,” her eyes began to well with tears, “and overbearingly protective.” Their eyes met and for a few moments, it felt like it was just them in the room.

“He’s the type of man to go to your 8 am lecture and take notes for you because you were extremely sick and couldn’t miss that class. He,” she smiled to herself, sad and small, “he drove out during a snowstorm to pick me up from the train station because he didn’t trust the Uber driver to get me back home safely. Even though I begged him to stay home, that I could spend the night at a hotel.”

“He’s stubborn as hell,” Bucky commented, laughing.

Natasha nodded, pursing her lips. “He is, but I think that’s one of his best qualities. He does everything to the best of his ability; he fights with everything he’s got. He protects with his soul and loves with his entire heart.” A tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. Her lips were trembling and so were her hands. “I know first-hand, I’ve seen it multiple times. He’s got the biggest heart and the best intentions – and if he loves Lorraine the way he loved me; I know he’ll make her the happiest woman in the world.”

Lorraine frowned, but Natasha ignored her because she was too busy trying to swallow the truth, trying to keep her damn mouth shut.

Steve stared up at her with a mix of emotions flickering in his eyes. His lips were slightly parted and his brows furrowed.

“So,” her voice cracked, “I hope you take care of him, Lorraine, because you’ll never meet someone like him. You’ll never be happier; you’ll never be loved as ferociously as you can be loved by him.” At that moment, you could hear every person breathing in the room. “Love him fully, love him with every fibre of your being,” and she really should have shut her mouth then, but the alcohol was getting to her head, and there were so many tears then, that she couldn’t really see him, “love him the way I didn’t.”

“Jesus Christ,” Sam swore next to her, shooting looks to Bucky who was choking over his drink.

That’s when Natasha realised her mistake, that’s when she realised she didn’t keep her stupid mouth shut. She gave out a nervous laugh, swallowing loudly. “Love him like a friend, like a lover, like a spouse because you’ve managed to choose one of the best men in the world.” She yanked Bucky’s cup out of his hand and raised in a toast. “To Steve and Lorraine, may you love each other for the rest of your lives.”

She plopped down on her seat after drinking Bucky’s wine and gave a nervous laugh. Steve kept his eyes locked on hers, trying to get her attention but she averted her eyes for as long as she could.

“These fucking idiots,” Bucky muttered under his breath, “I can’t believe-”

“I’m going to the restroom.” She stood up so fast it made her head spin, “I’ll be right back.”

Sam held her hand as she stumbled forward and she mentally patted herself on the back for making it to the restrooms without falling on her ass.

For fifteen minutes, she locked herself in the bathroom stall and tried her best to recollect herself. The tears that soon followed were inevitable and thankfully she had worn waterproof makeup. She was so damn stupid – why in the world did she think she would come out unscathed?! This night had disaster written all over it!

The door slammed open and Natasha stopped her little sobs. Her heart felt like it would burst in her chest and she wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole.

“Nat?”

That was Bucky. He was tentatively walking into the bathroom, while looking down, searching for her.

“Yeah?”

He paused, standing in front of the stall she was locked in. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” She sniffled, blinking quickly and wiped away her tears. “Think my allergies are acting up.”

“Let me in,” he murmured sweetly, softly.

“It’s just my allergies,” she protested weakly.

“Bullshit, Romanoff.” He placed his hand on the door, “Open it or I’m kicking this down.”

She breathed in deeply and then sighed. Exhale out all the stupid emotions. “You’re so bos-”

He pulled her in for a tight hug, nearly squeezing her to death. “You’re so stupid, Romanoff. My god,” he shook his head, “is that why you left all those years ago? Because you fell for our dumb best friend?”

“No,” she scoffed, “I left because I took the job.”

She could hear the disbelief all over his voice. Even his body tensed against her like he could tell she was bullshitting him from a mile away.

“Yeah and that’s why you avoided Steve like he had some contagious-”

“I was busy!”

The door opened again and Sam rushed in. “She alright?” He turned to look at her. “You okay, Nat?”

“I’m fine.”

He ignored her and so did Bucky. He shook his head, brushing his jaw against the top of her head. “She isn’t.”

“I am!”

Sam joined their hug, squeezing her just as hard as Bucky had done a few moments ago. “How long have you loved him?”

“I don’t love him!”

Again, she was ignored.

“Probably since they met, honestly.” Bucky shrugged. “I always did say they’d get married.”

She groaned into his chest. “Oh my god.”

“It’s alright,” Sam rubbed her back, “you’ll meet someone better.”

She rolled her eyes, stepping away from them. “Do you guys realise you’re in the girl’s bathroom trying to console me for supposedly being in love with my best friend?”

They both nodded and spoke in unison. “Yeah.”

Natasha frowned. “And, that doesn’t sound ridiculous to either of you?”

They both shook their heads, and again, spoke in unison. “Nope.”

“Unbelievable.”

“Come on,” Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “let’s go back out before Bucky and I get kicked out for being in here.”

She nodded and quickly turned to the mirror to check her appearance. Apart from a dust of pink on the tip of her nose and slightly watery eyelashes, she looked great.

When they walked back out, her little speech seemed to be completely forgotten. She’d say the alcohol played an important role in that, and she was thankful that people seemed too busy laughing and joking amongst their own table to remind her of her embarrassing soap opera moment.

Lorraine and Steve were walking around, talking to the guests and joking, hand-in-hand, and while it hurt to see them so in love, she was thankful that they weren’t at the table to ask her any questions. More specifically, she was thankful Steve wasn’t there.

Bucky held her chair out, pushing it in when she sat down and took a seat next to her. Sam joined them and handed her a glass of champagne. He looked over her shoulder, in the direction of Lorraine and Steve and shook his head.

“Think it’s too late to crash a wedding?”

Natasha widened her eyes and smacked her hand against his knee. “Sam!”

“Nah,” Bucky drawled, “it’s never too late.”

“Guys!” She pinched Bucky’s thigh. “He’s _happy_.”

Sam narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. “You can’t really believe that.” She gave him a pointed look and he sighed. “You both disappoint me.”

Bucky chimed in. “Did you not see how his face lit up when he saw you? Thought his face was freaking Times Square during Christmas.”

“Guys,” she hissed, trying to get them to stop conspiring. “He loves her.”

“No,” Sam leaned forward, “he loved _you_. He wanted _you_.”

Bucky reached around her, smacking Sam’s shoulder. “Don’t tell her that!”

He frowned. “It’s the truth!”

“Yeah,” she sighed, “ _wanted_ , as in, past tense. He wants Lorraine now and as his best friends, we should respect that.”

“As his best friends,” Sam hissed, “we should want him to be happy. That-that,” he sputtered, “manipulative little bitch, won’t make him happy.”

Natasha glared at both of them. “We’re dropping this subject and you won’t do anything stupid.” They both gave her annoyed looks. “Promise me,” she made sure to look them both in the eyes.

“Fine,” Sam muttered and crossed his arms over his chest, pouting like a little kid that got told he couldn’t eat the cookie from the cookie jar.

Bucky nearly did the same thing; except he was scowling. “Fine, but it doesn’t mean I’m happy about this.”

She shrugged. “You don’t have to be.”

The rest of the night went by fairly smooth – all things considered. Bucky and Sam kept drinking and she encouraged it, trying to ease the tension that had clouded their end of the table.

She ignored the glances Joseph Rogers shot her way and the way he muttered into Sarah’s ear, like they were sharing a secret that she was obviously part of.

Slowly people began to leave the party, promising to keep the party going out by the beach so that the cleaning staff could start working in the dining hall. No matter how much Sam and Bucky tried to convince her to stay, she decided that she’d better turn in for the night.

After embarrassing herself in front of Steve’s guest, she just wanted to shower, take off her bra and heels and get into bed. She’d need the rest and recuperation if she wanted to make it through Steve’s wedding.

As she began to collect her things, the idea of talking to Steve about Lorraine was completely forgotten.

Maybe it was better if she just…didn’t say anything at all.

And, even if she wanted to, Steve was busy talking to his future in-laws to even approach.

That had to be a sign, right?

Natasha kissed Sam and Bucky goodnight and tried her hardest to escape without being noticed. She began walking down the mini strip mall inside the resort and looked through the window of all the closed shops. She’d have to buy Clint and Laura something, maybe a keychain or bottle opener.

“Nat!”

And just like that, her heart drops to her stomach.

She stops on her tracks, frowning and turns to see Steve jogging down to catch up to her. She gulps, waiting for him to stand in front of her and tries her hardest not to say anything stupid.

So much for signs.

“Hey!” He grins at her boyishly. “You going back to the room?”

“Yeah,” she nods, fidgeting with her handbag, “thought I’d call it a night.”

He frowned. “Are you tired?”

She raises an eyebrow, furrowing them slightly. “A little.”

“I just,” he sighs, “we didn’t get much time to talk.”

“Oh.” Her face reddens like a damn fire truck and when she speaks, her voice comes out slightly higher-pitched. “What’d you want to talk about?”

He shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I dunno.” For a brief moment, he looks like he has something to say, like he’s struggling with his words, but then his features soften slightly and he smiles at her. “It’s been a while. Figured we could take a walk down the garden and maybe catch up?”

All the warning flags in her brain are flaring up like emergency alarms. The last thing she should do was be alone with Steve. His cheeks were slightly rosy and his eyes seemed a little unfocused; he was buzzed. She was slowly descending from _her_ buzz; this was just another bad idea of hers.

Of course, she did it.

Her middle name should be “Bad Ideas.”

“Yeah,” she nodded, smiling at him softly, “yeah, that’d be nice.”

“Great!” He beamed and nodded his head in the opposite direction she was headed. “The garden’s this way.”

They walk side by side, quietly, but somewhat comfortable. Obviously there were things they had to discuss, but neither of them knew how to bring that up.

“So,” he cleared his throat, turning to look at her, “no date, huh?”

Natasha scoffed out a laugh. Of course, he’d bring that up. “Nope.”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Nobody special?”

She shook her head, pressing her lips in a firm line. “Too busy.”

“Mm,” he hummed, nodding his head in agreement.

She doesn’t say anything in return and silence befalls them once more. The only sound at that moment was the waves crashing in the distance and the distant laughter of the resort’s guests. As they neared the little garden, the sound of instruments became louder.

The air that night felt great. A nice breeze caressed the nape of her neck, making her ponytail flutter and it eased her nerves. She felt herself cooling down, the embarrassment from earlier slowly subsiding into the back of her mind.

Next to her, Steve chuckles softly and reaches for her hand.

“What are you doing?” She laughs.

“C’mon,” he tugs her toward the garden, and she ignores the way her entire body warms at his hand wrapped around hers. “The band is practising and I need to practise too.”

And just like that all of her worries and strange emotions disappeared. It felt like old times, like she hadn’t just told him she had loved him in front of his family and future wife.

She rolls her eyes but lets him pull her up the stairs and into the gazebo. It’s beautiful, really. The white wood is adorned with golden fairy lights, interwoven around the posts along with a few roses and vines.

It’s intimate in this part of the garden and a part of her screams at the consequences this could have. He was going to get married tomorrow for fuck's sake!

_No, no, he wouldn’t._

There was no way she’d let him tie himself down to a manipulative soul-sucking bitch like Lorraine. Two years ago she walked away from him so that he could succeed in life, she owed _them_ this, owed him happiness.

“Alright,” Steve stood in front of her, staring down at her with a dopey smile that made her heart stammer in her chest.

_Tell him. Tell him and then walk back to your real life._

“M’lady,” He held his hand out for her to take, doing a fake curtsy and she laughed, rolling her eyes as she took his hand.

“You’re such a dork.”

He placed his hand on her lower back, gently pulling her closer and held her right hand up. She placed her left hand on his shoulder and he began to sway them to the sound of the piano.

“Let’s see if what Ms. May taught me stuck.”

The band began to play a beautiful rendition of _Marry You_. It was just the melody, no vocals but Natasha recognised the music and began to hum along.

“Are you trying to waltz to Bruno Mars?” The laughter bubbled past her lips and she beamed up at him in happiness.

Steve grinned down at her, spinning them around the gazebo as best as he could without stepping on her feet. He really wasn’t a terrible dancer, but things with Nat were just easy.

“‘cause it’s a beautiful night and we’re looking for something dumb to do,” Steve sang and while he shouldn’t change careers, it wasn’t bad. He had a nice deep rich voice; baritone and he could keep up with the melody. “Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you.”

He spun her around, not giving her time to punch him for making her feel whatever the hell she felt then.

“Just say I do,” Steve dipped her and she laughed, smacking his shoulder when he started moving them in jerky tango-like movements.

“Steve!”

He struck a pose, making her laugh even harder and she placed her hands on her waist, shimmying back and forth as they goofed around the gazebo.

His cheeks were rosy red from laughing so much (and the extra cups of wine) and his eyes were shining with happiness, true unadulterated happiness.

And Natasha loved it, just as much as she loved him.

The band finished their rendition of the song and they stopped prancing around like a couple of idiots, laughing until their sides hurt. Like a pair of teenagers just having fun.

“You’re unbelievable!”

He winked at her, pulling at his suit jacket and placed it over the railing. “I’m pretty sure I’d kick your ass in a dancing competition.”

“Ha!” She huffed, “Don’t make me laugh.”

“What? Scared of a little competition?”

She rolled her eyes, trying to ignore their close proximity. “Don’t wanna leave you broke.”

Before Steve could retort, the air was filled with violin music. This time, the music was softer, sweeter. The strings of the guitar struck something in her soul, something stirring in her – which, honestly, was probably the warning signs going insane in her mind.

She knew she had to tell Steve about what she saw, but it had been so long since she saw him this happy — hell, so long that she had seen _him_! She couldn’t...not yet. She wanted to ingrain his laughter in her mind, wanted to make sure she had these happy memories to last her a lifetime.

This time she recognised the song as something more intimate. She had danced to this one with one of her students.

_I Was Made for Loving You._

The band again, didn’t sing the song, but this time, they did begin to hum it.

Steve smiled at her, his eyes brimming with all the happiness he could muster and she nearly melted at his softened gaze. “Dance with me?”

Natasha gulped. Marry You had been upbeat and funny, this? This was a little…more. “We just did.”

He stared at her with pleading eyes, pouting his lips jokingly and batted his eyelashes. It made her grin and she swatted his arm before stepping up and getting in position again.

This time, Steve didn’t leave as much space between them. He held her tightly, firmly and breathed in deeply when she relaxed into his arms.

Something immediately changed between them. Natasha wasn’t sure what, but she could feel it in his gaze, in the way he held her.

Her heart even began to beat faster.

Natasha leaned her cheek against his shoulders, almost melting in his embrace and Steve squeezed her gently, like if he was trying to reassure her.

He smelled like wine and his cologne. Rich and deep, nearly mouth-watering. She wanted to smell him all night like a damn creep.

_I was made for loving you. Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through. Every bone screaming, I don’t know what we should do. All I know is darling I was made for loving you._

Steve pressed his cheek against the side of her head and he sighed, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He closed his eyes, savouring the moment as they swayed to the sweet melody.

He shifts their hands and he pulls back to look at her. His breath catches.

Her eyes look magnificent, he could see the fairy lights twinkle and in them, he can see his reflection, he can see the damn stars in the tiny brown specks around her pupils.

How many times had he spent sketching her eyes in class? How many notebooks had her features sketched onto the margins?

Her lips part and his heart thrums in his chest, nearly feels like he’s having a damn heart attack.

Steve can’t help himself. He cups her cheek in his hand and brushes his thumb against the corner of her mouth. The pads of his thumb caress her bottom lip and he thinks back to that night.

Kissing her had been all he had fantasised about for 8 fucking years. He couldn’t get the perfect lips out of his mind, they were plump and pink, soft and sweet. And he loved the perfect Cupid’s bow she had.

She had this cute mole on the side of her cheek that Steve absolutely adored. He never stopped thinking about it, couldn’t stop thinking about it even if he tried.

He watches as her eyes flutter shut and she leans into the palm of his hand. He brushes his thumb against the apple of her cheek, staring at her with all the love he felt for her. It was overwhelming him, making him dizzy and he didn’t realise it, but that had been exactly why she closed her eyes.

Their interlocked gazes had been so intimate that she was afraid they’d do something stupid.

The song changes, becomes even softer and Natasha holds back the urge to cry.

“Nat...”

She presses her cheek to his shoulder again, afraid of what he might say or do. Hell, she was more afraid of what she’d say if he kept looking at her like that.

Steve sighs, cradling her back into his arms and leans closer to her. They’re both lost in their thoughts, just dancing and toeing uncharted territory.

The vocalist of the band seems to want to torture her because she starts singing Ed Sheeran and they didn’t know how much she hated him that day.

_“Settle down with me, cover me up, cuddle me in. Lie down with me and hold me in your arms.”_

Steve is so close that she can feel his breathing against the curve of her neck, right by her shoulder and it makes her shiver. How the hell did they get up to that point?! How did this night take this turn?!

_“Your heart’s against my chest, your lips pressed in my neck. I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet and with a feeling, I’ll forget, I’m in love now.”_

After a few moments of silence, Steve speaks up.

“I miss you,” he whispers, lips brushing against her temple.

She swallows. Her heart stammers in her chest and she nearly steps away so that she can catch her breath. “Steve...”

_“Kiss me like you wanna be loved...”_

Steve twirled her, making her dress whirl beautifully as she showed off and did a bit of a pirouette. He grinned, pulling her back in and with her back pressed to his chest, he crossed his arms over hers.

_”You wanna be loved, you wanna be loved...”_

He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her ear as he whispered, “I really want to let your hair down. Wanna run my fingers through it like you used to let me.”

She bit her bottom and shivered, moving so that they were face to face again. What did she even say to that?!

_“This feels like falling in love, falling in love…”_

“I miss you so goddamn much.” His breathing becomes somewhat rugged, like it’s getting harder to keep himself together. “

Natasha pulls away from him slightly. “Steve,” and her voice stabs through him because it sounds just as pained as his, “please, don’t.”

He stares at her with pleading eyes, like he’s hurting just as much as she is and her bottom lip trembles when she tries to talk. “You…I…Lorraine.”

Steve tenses against her, like the mention of his fiancée, physically pains him. Just like that, they both snap out of the tender little bubble they had cocooned themselves in. Reality sets back in and the warmth that radiated from his eyes simmers down.

It’s not completely gone, he’s still staring at her like she created the goddamn universe, but at least he doesn’t keep looking down at her mouth like he wants to do something stupid and kiss her.

“Yeah.” He nods, understanding and his eyes glimmer with unshed tears.

Natasha sighs, sliding her hand down her face and decides that if she was going to say anything about what she saw, that this would be the best time to do so. “Steve?”

“Mm?” He hums, looking at her with some sort of emotions that she couldn’t figure out.

“Lorraine…” she trails off, not sure how to word her question, “how…how long have you known her?”

Steve frowns, slightly taken aback by the question. “Almost two years; why?”

“I,” she bit her bottom lip, somewhat struggling and then decides to just blurt it out, breathing in deeply “you can’t get married tomorrow.”

He frowns, confused. “It’s a little too late for that now, Nat.”

“No,” she shakes her head, desperation seeping into her voice as she reaches up to hold onto his shirt, “you don’t understand. Lorraine, she…I saw her-”

“Steve!”

The last bits of safety and privacy they had were completely gone the moment his name was called out.

“What the hell are you doing?” It was his dad and he was rushing down the pathway like a man on a mission. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

Steve frowned, turning back to look at his dad and Natasha took a slight step away from him. The last thing she needed was her dad to misinterpret what was happening in that gazebo.

“Is something wrong?”

Joseph shook his head and raised an eyebrow at Natasha. “Nothing’s wrong, but you and Lorraine disappeared before we were able to take a few more pictures.”

“I’m not with Lorraine.”

“I see that,” Joseph sighed, motioning for Steve to accompany him. “Come on, the last thing you need is to be distracted before your wedding.”

Steve turned back to look at her, his frown deepening. “Nat-”

“ _Steve_ ,” Joseph pressed on.

Natasha smiled at him softly – that was the final sign. “It’s fine. Go find Lorraine. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Steve hesitated, but his dad called him again. He leaned down, kissing her forehead gently and grabbed his suit jacket. “See you.”

As she watched them rush down the pathway, she realised that that’s all she’d ever be to Steve; a distraction.


	3. you wish it was me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part three:
> 
> Steve finds out a few things that could change his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ally, i'm sorry this took so long. as i wrote this chapter, i realised that i needed another part, so there we go; part four has also been added for it lmao
> 
> hope the wait was worth it xx

If you asked him months ago if he was over Natasha Romanoff, Steve would say yes. He’d be lying through his teeth, but he’d give the answer he thought people wanted to hear. The answer of an engaged man; one that was weeks away from getting married.

See, Natasha wasn’t someone you could just get over. She was someone you immediately fell for, someone you’d want to spend the rest of your life with – Steve knew, from the moment he met her, when they fought over Remi, he just _knew_.

She was wearing a torn Ramones shirt. It was knotted at the side, tucking the shirt, which was too big on her, around her petite waist. She had on a pair of black Vans with red shoelaces that she used to intertwine into a very complicated pattern (he had spent a good deal learning how she did it because she was very adamant that it was the _only_ way to put on shoelaces) and dark, high-waisted jean shorts.

Her hair was pulled up into two loose buns, with a few strands of her hair sticking out (because her hair was cut into layers and that specific layer was too short to stay in the bun) and Steve wishes that he could admit that he wasn’t completely enraptured by the red curls.

What probably undid him was her eyes. They were this shade of green, not quite emerald with specks of light brown, almost gold, that just _captured_ you. They locked you in place and rendered your brain absolutely useless. 

At least it did to him – because to this specific day, the day right before his wedding, he can remember that day clearly.

After meeting her, he spent the next few years head over heels for her. He was planning on making his move after he finished his residency. He had wanted to do it a week into their friendship, but he figured he didn’t want to scare her away. And as time went on, he worried that being more than friends could ruin their friendship, so he never did or said anything.

No matter what he said, he was content just having her in his life; even if it was just as his friend. That, to him, was better than not having her at all.

And, then that damn night he drank a few too many and ruined their friendship.

They were celebrating his passing score for the STEP 2 medical exam and Bucky had gotten food poisoning from a girl he had been trying to woo, so Sam took them back to their apartment and Natasha stayed with him, eating barbecue wings and stealing some of the fries off his plate.

He was still buzzed, but not as drunk as he thought he was. Because if he _had_ been extremely intoxicated, he wouldn’t remember every single detail about that night.

When Natasha kissed him, his brain went haywire. It was like the Earth stopped spinning on its axis and everything went upside down.

If he closes his eyes and really thinks about it, he can still feel his lips tingling from the kiss.

She had bunched her hand around his shirt, yanking him into her little apartment and they stumbled over the coffee table, falling onto the couch as they kissed like they had been dying to for the past few years.

In his case, it had been like that.

He had to sometimes force himself to stop from looking down at her lips because the more he looked, the more he wanted to kiss her. But the way she _spoke_ , she just…she curved her lips perfectly and he knew all of those movements seemed perfect only because it was _her_ , but he didn’t care.

And, she had this _mole_ ; right on her right cheek that had become the main attraction on the margin of his notebooks.

Before pulling him into her apartment, she had pulled back slightly with a wide smile on her face and her eyes were closed. She bit her bottom lip, like she had enjoyed it just as much as he had and Steve couldn’t process what was happening fast enough.

One moment he was standing outside her door and the next he was burrowing his face into the curve of her neck, kissing and licking down the slope of her throat because she did these little sounds that just wrecked him.

He could’ve cum right there, in his pants, like a fucking teenager if she just asked him to.

After that night, he lost her.

He woke up and she was gone. He knew that she had to work, but had he known that that was going to be the last time he had his best friend, he would’ve done things differently.

During his shift at the hospital, he couldn’t stop thinking about how she felt, how she smelled and tasted. He had been practically buzzing from excitement to finish the damn shift just so he could see her and they could hopefully talk about what had happened.

Natasha, though, had other plans. She avoided him as if he had worked at the contaminated ward and at first, he thought she needed space to process the boundary they had just crossed, but as the days turned into weeks, he realised that he had fucked up.

The following week, Natasha told Sam that she had taken the job at New Jersey (a job he didn’t even know _existed_ ) and that she was moving. She didn’t even tell him that she was leaving, she told Sam, who told him when it was already too late.

Her apartment was packed up in two days and she was gone, taking half of him with her. Well, truthfully, Natasha took every part of him with her because as cliché as it sounded, his heart had been hers and he had given it to her without any remorse or fears.

It had been useless to him, really, all it did was beat faster when he saw her and slow down at the same damn time. As a doctor, he knew that was probably reason enough to go see a cardiologist, but whatever.

Steve can’t say he’s very proud of what became of him those few weeks after she was gone. After every shift at work on days he didn’t have to work the next day, he’d go get absolutely hammered in his apartment and not stop drinking until he was hugging the toilet, throwing up his insides.

He couldn’t sleep and he could barely eat; working seemed to be the only thing that got him out of his funk. He’d be doing rotations through the floors and meet patients that made his life seem like it had _some_ sort of purpose.

Three weeks after Natasha was gone, he stopped drinking and started working until he’d fall asleep under the shower.

Working was what got him out of his near-death by alcohol moments. The more he saw his patients and talked with them, the less pain he felt by Natasha’s absence.

He couldn’t really figure out if his pain stemmed from her leaving or because she didn’t give him any _reasons_. For nights, he just tormented himself with _what-ifs_ and then, the idea that he had _hurt_ her and that _that’s_ why she couldn’t even answer his calls, absolutely broke him.

What had been so wrong that she couldn’t give him any explanations?

Had sleeping with him really been that terrible?

If that had been the case, she was a wonderful actress. The scratch marks she left on his back still burned him days later. The sounds she made, the way she moaned and writhed under him, the way she called out his name as he licked and lost himself in bringing her pleasure…

“Steve,” his dad sighs, shaking his head in what seems to be disappointment, “I know that girl means a lot to you, but what will the guests think?”

Steve frowned, turning to look at him as they slowly walked down the pathway that led to the beach. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

His dad shrugged, pressing his lips in a firm line. “You two were just dancing, alone, and Lorraine wasn’t anywhere in sight.”

“She was my friend.” The muscle on his jaw ticks and he swallows, trying not to let his words bother him.

Joseph nodded, giving him a soft smile. “I know,” he paused, “but, son, people talk.”

“Dad,” Steve sighed, running his fingers through his hair, “we were just catching up. I hadn’t seen her in a really long time…” he trailed off to hide the sadness that crept into his tone of voice and shrugged, “I just, it felt good, seeing her.”

He patted him on the back, squeezing his shoulder affectionately. After a few moments, he breathes in deeply. “I really was surprised to see her.”

His brows furrow in slight confusion. “Why?”

“Just,” he let out a puff of air, sliding his hands into his pant pockets, “I had told her all those years ago to not get in your way, you know? I didn’t think that-”

“Wait,” Steve held his hand up, stopping in his tracks, “you what?”

Joseph frowned momentarily, then swallowed as he realised what he had just said. He’s not really worried about Steve’s reaction, after all, he had just been looking out for him, but the glint in Steve’s eye told him that he may not see it that way. “I just asked her not to be a distraction.”

“Dad,” his frown deepened, turning into a bit of a scowl, “what, exactly, did you tell her?”

He sighed, exasperated. “Son, I don’t remember the exact words-”

“What did you say?” He pressed on, an edge of exasperation seeping into his voice.

“I told her that she should stay away from you, that she was distracting you from your dreams and that if she really cared about you, she wouldn’t get in the way of that.”

Steve draped the suit jacket over his shoulder and slid his hand down his face. “You told her to stay away from me.” It wasn’t phrased as a question, but Joseph still answered as if it had been. “Dad, you told my best friend to stop being a “distraction”?!”

“Come on, Steve!” He frowned, trying to reach for him; _pleading_ , but he pulled back, “I was your age once! I saw the way you looked at her! I knew that if she asked, you would drop everything to make her happy. I _knew_ that look, _lived_ it. I didn’t want you to go through the same thing.”

He breathed in deeply, sharply and all the alcohol that had been clouding his judgement suddenly evaporated from his system. “Dad,” he swallowed, trying his best to keep his voice steady and his emotions calmed, “I loved that girl.”

Joseph flinched, grimacing at the emotion that dripped from his words. “Steve-”

“For the past two years, I kept wondering why she left; kept blaming myself for things that I didn’t even _know_. I was so angry at her, tried to hate her, I-I…” He shook his head, feeling his chest squeezing painfully, “Dad, I wanted to _marry_ her.”

“Son,” he stepped forward, grasping his shoulders to try and shake some sense into him, “that girl gave you the best gift she could’ve given you. She let you finish your dream, she showed you that she would take the easy way out if things got too-”

Steve shoved his hands away, angry. “Don’t talk about her like that. Natasha-”

“- _left_. She left when given the opportunity. Lorraine hasn’t. Lorraine has shown you that she would be there through the good and the bad, she’s shown you she loves you and she comes from a good family, Steve. Don’t,” he sighed, “don’t give all that up for something you felt years ago.”

All this time...

All the nights he blamed her…

The times he had tried hating her…

It all could’ve been avoided had they just spoken.

“Son,” Joseph spoke softly, his blue eyes pleading, “I really didn’t do it out of malice. I was looking out for you; you know that my first marriage-”

“I know,” Steve interrupted, swallowing hard.

“So, then,” he pleaded, “you know that I was just trying to look out for you. I didn’t want you to be hurt like me. That girl left, if she had felt anything for you, she would’ve fought my request. If you had loved her as much as you think you did, you would’ve fought for her.”

Those words were like a stab to the chest, right into his heart, wrenching it until he wanted to fall to his knees.

“But neither of you did,” he cupped Steve’s jaw, patting it, “so then, what you felt wasn’t love. It was just something out of a whim. What you feel for Lorraine now? _That_ is love.”

Steve didn’t have the heart to tell his dad that he didn’t love Lorraine. He hadn’t, he _couldn’t_. Being with Lorraine was…it was him settling. He wanted to make his parents happy and in a sense, he just felt like it was the only thing left for him to do.

He had been drowning himself with work, overworking his body to the point of extreme exhaustion and when he had met Lorraine, she pulled that tension back. She helped him relax and want to get a personal life.

Their parents just expected them to get married and that’s why he proposed, because he felt like he owed her for making that weight lift off his shoulders.

And no matter how much he knew that he didn’t love her, he thought he could grow to. That after they’d get married, his feelings for Natasha would just evaporate and he’d be able to live his damn life again.

Steve nodded, breathing in deeply and slid his hand down his face tiredly. “I’m gonna go look for Lorraine.”

“Okay. Want me to help?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. She’s probably back at her suite.”

“Alright,” Joseph’s gaze softened, “son, I really do love you; never forget that.”

“Me too, dad.”

He squeezed his arm affectionately and smiled. “Go find your future bride. But don’t spend all night talking, you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.”

The side of his mouth turned up in a slight smile and he chuckled. “G’night.”

Joseph watched him turn back to the resort, dropping his shoulders as Steve turned the corner. As he remembered the very first time Steve introduced them to Natasha, he wonders if his opinion on the girl was right.

Steve’s eyes had been sparkling so much as he watched Sarah talk the poor girl’s ear off. The way he smiled and looked at her; Joseph just knew that his son was in love.

And, it’s not like he considers himself to be old fashioned and a classist asshole, but Natasha just brought out this side of Steve that worried Joseph. He recognised the glint in his son’s eyes, he saw how she seemed to have him eating from the palm of her hand and how she didn’t even realise it; women like her were dangerous.

What Joseph _didn’t_ realise was that Steve didn’t look at Lorraine like that.

On his way back to the resort, Steve tried his hardest not to let himself wallow in _what-ifs_. He figured that, maybe his dad was right. Had the feelings he felt for Natasha been real then maybe…

 _How_ couldn’t _they be real?! You spent all your friendship pining after her!_

Knowing what he knew then, he hoped that seeing Lorraine would spark _something_ in him. He just needed a damn sign that said he was doing the right thing, that he wasn’t walking away from what he knew was the best thing to ever happen to him.

And, no, that wasn’t Lorraine he was referring to.

Steve sighed tiredly, leaning against the elevator wall and stared at his reflection. He looked like absolute shit wrapped up in fancy clothing. His eyes were tired, his hair ruffled and a hint of a stubble was beginning to grow on his face.

He rubbed his chin, touching the coarse hairs growing out and tried to remind himself to shave the next morning. He pulled at his grey tie, loosening the buttons so that he could feel a little more relaxed and stepped out of the elevator when the doors dinged open.

He draped the suit jacket over his shoulder, letting it hang from his index finger and slid his other hand in his pocket. Behind him, the elevator dinged again and he could hear footsteps walking in the opposite direction from him.

Steve was so lost in his thoughts, that he didn’t realise the strange… _sounds_ that were coming from the rooms. The woman was screaming so loudly that she could be heard through the hallways.

The closer he walked to Lorraine’s suite, the louder the sounds got.

But it _couldn’t_ be Lorraine, because Lorraine wouldn’t-

“ _Oh, my_ god! _Right there, right_ there!”

He frowned, stopping in front of her door and looked at the suite number. It was her room number. The staff hadn’t told him anything about changing her to another room.

Steve reached into his pocket, sliding the key card out – the extra one she had given him in case she wanted to join her for any nights (something he hadn’t done) – and pressed it to the little scanner. The red light turned green and he pushed the door open with his foot.

“ _Oh, my god, Brock_!”

That, was definitely Lorraine.

In bed.

With someone else.

Her back was facing him and she had her hands against the wall as she lifted her hips up and down, bucking wildly.

The door shut behind him, startling her and she turned back, letting out a little shriek when she realised Steve had just walked in on them.

“What the fuck.” His voice came out in a soft murmur, mostly confused and not quite as angry as he was starting to feel.

“Steve? Steve,” she jumped away from the man, yanking on the white sheets to try and cover herself, “Steve, it’s not what it looks like. I-I…”

The man on the bed smirked, leaning his head against his hands and Steve contemplated striding over and punching the smug look from his face.

It wasn’t worth it though.

He had asked for a sign.

He most definitely got it.

“Steve, baby,” Lorraine pushed back her blonde curls, trying to get up from the bed, but got tangled in all the sheets, “let me explain. I…Brock,” she pointed back to the man in her bed, “we-”

Steve shook his head, holding his hand up. “I don’t need any explanations.”

Her bottom lip began to tremble as she managed to get up and shuffle toward him, wrapping the sheets around her as if that would give her any dignity from what he had just caught her doing. “I swear I can explain.”

She reached for him, wrapping her fingers around his arm and Steve tugged himself away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Steve-”

He turned around, yanking the door open and swallowed back all the anger that kept growing in his chest. He wanted to scream, he wanted to punch something, wanted to cry and ask the universe what he’d ever done to be treated like that.

Sure, he might’ve not _loved_ her, but they were going to get married, dammit.

He had gone to her room with every intention of forgetting his feelings for Natasha, to try and reciprocate the love he thought she had for him.

“I don’t have to tell you that the wedding’s off, right?”

“Steve,” she sobbed, following him out of the room, “you don’t mean that. Please, just-”

“Get the fuck away from me,” he growled softly, “if you take another step, I won’t be responsible-”

Lorraine threw herself towards him, wrapping her arms around him and sobbed onto his shoulder. He grunted, shoving her away and she kept clawing back at him, begging and crying for his forgiveness.

“Steve!”

He grabbed her arms and shoved away his dislike for manhandling women for just one second and shoved her away. She fell back on her ass, crying, smearing her makeup down her cheeks like a damn raccoon.

He began to stalk away from her when he realised that Natasha saw it all. They actually had earned quite an audience from Lorraine’s screaming.

“Steve…” Natasha whispered, her pretty green eyes watching him sadly, “I’m so sorry. I tried to tell you, but I-”

He blinked once, recoiling from her outstretched hand. “You _knew_?”

She frowned, startled by the anger in his voice. “I-”

“You knew,” he hissed, his voice shaking, “and you didn’t _tell_ me?!”

“Your dad-”

He gave out a humourless laugh. “Of course,” he nodded, stepping further away from her, “of _course_ you wouldn’t tell me. You couldn’t even tell me why you left all those years ago, why the hell would I expect more now!”

“Steve,” she tried to plead, but he waved her away and headed toward the elevators.

Lorraine rushed forward, getting her foot tangled in the sheets and fell, face-forward onto the concrete floor. Natasha watched, slightly pained as her nose began to gush red when she face-planted and turned away when Lorraine’s shrieks began to grow louder.

“Steve!” She cried, cupping her hands under her nose as blood trickled down, “Steve, please!”

Natasha turned on her heel and rushed down the stairs to try and catch up to Steve.

\+ + +

He was missing

Steve was actually _missing_.

It had been about five hours since she last saw him and panic was starting to settle in her stomach. His dad was going around, asking for anyone to help him look for his son and his mom was barely keeping it together as she spoke to the front desk and the police.

Sam and Bucky were out walking the grounds, looking for him wherever they thought they could find him and Natasha had been so _worried_ , that she walked down the same paths everyone had in hopes of finding any clues.

She knew that he was hurt, that he was struggling to come to terms with what he had seen Lorraine doing, but she didn’t think him capable of just…getting up and leaving without telling anyone where he was going.

He even left his phone by the fountain in the middle of the reception area. That’s what had freaked everyone out even more; they feared that he had been taken by guests or locals, and the more Natasha thought about that, the more terrified she became.

One of the last places that needed to be searched was the beach. Joseph was already in talks of flying by helicopter, looking for Steve in the water. In the meantime, they had split the rest of them into teams to walk along the beach.

Natasha was so terrified at the mere idea of something happening to Steve, that she deviated from her group, walking along the shoreline mindlessly. It was dark, the sun still hadn’t risen and aside from the waves crashing onshore, everything was extremely silent.

It should’ve been calming – and had she not been drowning her thoughts in absolute despair; she might’ve taken a moment to admire how beautiful everything really was.

Admiring beauty at that time, though, was kind of hard. Because she just kept replaying the way Steve had looked at her after finding out that Lorraine was cheating on him and it destroyed her, shattered her heart.

His eyes had been filled with _so_ much betrayal, he had even recoiled from her when she tried to hug him, to comfort him. And, what he had said…about her not even telling him why she had decided to leave…

The only thing that kept her from just crying more in the shower was knowing that he hadn’t gone back to his room or checked in with Sam or Bucky.

She had been the one to explain the commotion, with a few other guests corroborating her story when Lorraine’s parents tried to accuse her of lying. Natasha didn’t bother with them, though, she ignored their insults and tried to comfort a desolate Sarah Rogers because she knew that her son must’ve been in a lot of pain.

Lorraine didn’t bother leaving her room and quite frankly, Natasha didn’t care what she did at that point, as long as she stayed away from Steve.

The first few trickles of sunlight begin to peak through, just turning the sky a lovely purplish pink colour. The moon is still up and a few bright stars are twinkling as they wait for the sun to rise.

Natasha glances down at her phone and sighs. 6:06 am. There are still no messages from the others, saying anything about Steve, but she’s thankful that her phone manages to stay connected to the Wi-Fi this far from the resort.

She doesn’t know for how long she had been walking, she just knows that her feet are growing tired from trudging on the cool sand. She’s getting annoyed by how her sandals get caught in the sand and she has to stop in her tracks to slide her foot back in.

After a few more minutes, she spots a figure on the sand.

“Steve?”

It’s just the silhouette, she’s not close enough to make out the person, but at that point, she didn’t care. She kicked her sandals off, grabbed them and ran down the beach, hoping and praying that it _was_ Steve.

It is him.

“Steve!”

He has two boxes of beers next to him and he’s lazily drinking them as he stares into the horizon. The sky is slowly brightening, but not fast enough.

Natasha quickly messaged Sam and Bucky, letting them know that she had found him, but that she didn’t know where they were, and then she walked closer to Steve.

He didn’t turn her way or answer her when she called his name, but she didn’t care.

Her eyes were blurring with tears when she drops to her knees and buries her face into the crook of his neck. She hugs him tightly, like she’s not the one afraid that he’ll disappear – that he’s just a mirage and she’ll look up to find him gone.

Steve doesn’t hug her back though.

He brings the glass bottle up to his mouth and drinks, keeping his other hand behind him, supporting his weight.

Natasha pulls away, ignoring the pang of hurt she feels at his disregard for her and she cups his face in her hands. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” She brushes her thumbs against his cheeks, staring deep into his red-rimmed eyes, “We were all so scared, so worried that something happened.”

Steve looks at her momentarily before bringing the bottle back to his lips.

His face feels warm, which is strange because the night feels cool, and his eyelashes look dewy, as if the teardrops hadn’t quite dried from them. His eyes are red and she’s not sure if it’s from all the drinking he’s done, or from him crying.

He reeks of alcohol and had Natasha not been so worried over him, she would’ve said something about the stench.

Her phone buzzes next to her, but she ignores it, trying to get through to Steve; trying to find the right words that will snap him out of whatever he was feeling.

“Steve…” she whispers, brushing the pad of her thumb against his bottom lip, but he doesn’t react.

He just drinks from his bottle until it’s empty and then he’s reaching for the next one. Once he opens it, he pulls it to his mouth and takes a long gulp. Natasha pulls back from him, to sit on the sand and waits until the words finally come to her brain.

Moments go by before any words are exchanged between them.

“I woke up,” he murmurs, “and you were gone.” He scoffs, shaking his head like he was silently calling himself an idiot, “I thought you just left for work, but you just…you were gone.”

Her voice cracks. “Steve...”

He brings the bottle back to his lips, taking a big gulp before he speaks again. “Didn’t sleep for the next five weeks. Kept thinking that I hurt you, that I did something wrong, that maybe I was the only one that felt _something_ , and you were too scared to-”

“Please,” she whispers and blinks away her tears, “don’t…don’t do this to me.”

His blue eyes snap up to hers and they’re _so_ angry, _hurt_. His lip curls over his teeth in resentment and he hisses, “Did you think about what you leaving would do to me?!”

Natasha swallows, pursing her lips lets the few tears that are threatening to spill, slide down her cheeks. She can’t hold them back even if she tried her hardest. “I thought…I was just trying to do what I thought was best for you.”

“Seems like everyone gets a say in what’s best for me, except _me_.” He looks away from her, breaking their eye contact and drinks some more. His words are slightly slurred, but not enough that she thinks he’s completely wasted. “You know,” he began, licking his bottom lip, “my dad told me today about what he told you two years ago; about how he told you to stop being a distraction.”

She flinched at the memory but didn’t interrupt him. The wind was speeding up a little, just coming in short bursts as they carried the waves and it made her hair whip around her face. She tucked it back and sat back on her legs.

Steve looked down at the more-than-halfway-empty bottle in his hand and dragged his thumb along the rim. He wiped down the condensation and then took another sip, finishing what was left. “He told me,” he began and licked his lip again, “he told me that if you had felt something for me, you would have fought him on his request; that if you had felt anything for me, you wouldn’t have just left the moment things seemed hard.”

Natasha frowned, wiping the back of her hand against her eyes to clear her vision. “That’s not fair, Steve. You know it’s not fair. I let my insecurities get the best of me but that doesn’t mean I didn’t feel anything for you!”

His eyes skim over her for a second before turning down to the box of beers. He has two left from the 24-pack and another 24-pack to his left. He ignores what she says though. “He also told me,” he pauses to open the next beer, “that if I had truly loved you, I would have fought for you.”

That shatters whatever is left of her heart.

She blinks, feeling a wave of incoming, uncontrollable sobs and fights every nerve on her body to keep them back.

“I think that’s bullshit, though,” he continues and tilts his beer, jostling the liquid inside before drinking it, “because I was madly, _deeply_ in love with you.”

A sob manages to escape at that, at _hearing_ those words and Natasha trembles, digging her fingers into the meaty part of her thighs to keep from doing or saying anything.

“Thought I could get over you,” he laughed bitterly, slurring a bit, “but you walked in and my goddamn heart stopped.”

Her eyes water and she purses her lips, trying not to fall apart. She doesn’t say anything though, she lets him get things off his chest, things that seem to have been bothering for the past few years.

“Felt like I was fuckin’ whole again, Nat. All it took was one of your fucking smiles and I was back in the library when we first met.” He hung his head, breathing in shakily, “Back in love with you like a damn fool.” He swallowed loudly, staring into her eyes again and speaks softly, “It was like you never left, like you were always here, by my side.”

For a short moment, his gaze softened as he looked at her and then it hardened. His jaw ticked and he gave out a bitter laugh, scoffing at himself, “God, I’m so fucking stupid! Do you know that I was waiting for you at graduation? That I kept looking into the crowd expecting to see you there, that you’d at least come back and watch me finish what we started.”

“Steve,” she leans forward, cupping his face in her hands and whispers, “I am so sorry. _So_ sorry that I hurt you. I thought that leaving you was better than staying around. Your dad said that I was a distraction and I-”

“How?” He interrupted. “How could you have possibly been a distraction for me, Natasha?” A shiver runs down her back when he says her full name. “You were always helping me study; you were helping me be a better person; tell me how you thought you were a distraction.”

A tear slides down her cheek and she moves closer to him, nearly straddling his lap. “I…I was scared.”

He tilts his head back, looking at her. “Of what?”

“I was scared to lose your friendship. I…that night…” she closed her eyes, now sitting on his lap with her knees on either side of him and she presses her forehead to his. She just breathes, trying to put into words what she felt, “I was scared that you would regret it, that you would wake up and think it was all a mistake.” She pulled back, brushing her thumb down his cheek and shook her head. “And, I couldn’t bear the thought of you thinking that. So, when your dad said that I was just distracting you from your dreams, I saw it as the easy way out; the quickest way to avoid you hurting me.”

Steve doesn’t say anything, he just looks at her and the silence and intensity of his eyes makes her stomach _curl_ in this terrible way. He sets his beer down and shifts his body so he’s sitting more up-straight. He reaches up to gently pinch her chin and tilts it up.

“Do you realise how fucking _stupid_ that is?”

Natasha frowns, offended by his words. “Ex _cuse_ me. I’m-”

“Natasha,” he interrupts softly, “I have been in love with you since I first met you at the library. For _eight_ years, I have loved you and there was never, _could never_ be a single cell in my body that wouldn’t love you. That night,” he whispers, “was the best and worst thing I have ever done in my life.”

“What-”

Again, he interrupts her – which, he has never really done before, but then again, they’ve never told each other how they felt before.

“The best because I finally got the girl of my dreams,” he stares at her again, the intensity _intensifying_ (if that’s even possible) and he cups her cheek in his hand, “and the worst because I let you walk away.”

Her heart felt like it was running a marathon around the world. She thought she’d get a heart attack and pass out in his damn lap. Wouldn’t that be something?

“I’m sorry,” he susurrates, caressing his thumb down her jawline, “I’m sorry for letting you walk away and…” he darted his tongue out, eyeing her mouth, “I’m sorry for this.”

She frowns momentarily before her eyes flutter shut. He’s leaning forward, brushing his lips against hers so delicately that she almost doesn’t mind the taste of beer.

Her arms wrap around his shoulders and she moves closer to him, deepening the passionate lock of their lips. His hand slides up her back and she breathes out shakily as he nips her bottom lip, pulling her even closer.

When she pulls back, her lips are red, but they’re turning up in a soft smile. “I’m not sorry.”

Steve returned the sweet smile and leaned forward again, kissing her once more and for a few moments, the world feels like it falls back into place; like he’s _whole_ again.


	4. i'm only looking at you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> part four:
> 
> The culmination of their story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, as we can see, i'm shit at updating.
> 
> happy belated birthday, ally!
> 
> this isn't my best work, but i hope you guys like it nonetheless!

A few moments after their tender kiss, a Jeep from the resort pulled up behind them and Sam and Bucky came out to help them get in. They expressed their disappointment over him not telling them where he had gone and for drinking their favourite beer without sharing.

In response, Steve told them they could have whatever he hadn’t drunk and slouched his body onto hers. She laughed when Sam grumbled something under his breath, telling him he smelled bad and Steve told him to shut up.

As they drove back to the resort, Steve reached out for her hand and began to caress the inside of her wrist with his thumb. Next to her, Sam watched their hands on her lap and then up at her, raising an amused eyebrow.

She blushed, not saying anything and looked away. In her defence, there wasn’t really much to say. Yeah, they kissed but that didn’t mean anything. Well, it meant _everything_ but it didn’t answer any questions – hers or anyone else’s.

For all she knew, Steve could change his mind about Lorraine or change his mind about what he felt for _her_. Until they talked about whatever they had to talk, she couldn’t answer Sam’s amused look.

When they reached the resort, Steve’s parents were the only ones waiting for him. They hugged him tightly and through happy sobs, Sarah thanked her for finding Steve. Even Joseph pulled her in for a hug. He seemed like he wanted to say something, but Steve tugged her away and she, quite frankly, was too tired to stay up any longer.

Natasha helped Steve get inside his room and even helped him undress when he asked her to. He had helped her plenty of times when they went out, so it was the least she could do – and it’s not like she hadn’t seen him naked before!

However, when she was helping him unbutton his shirt, she couldn’t help but feel her face turn fifty shades of red. Thankfully, Steve was too focused on not falling to notice the mixture of embarrassment and slight lust that was written all over her face.

“When you’re done,” she kept her eyes glued to his, ignoring just how _naked_ he was, “just let me know and I’ll come to help you.”

Steve nodded, running his fingers through his hair and smiled down at her sweetly. “Thank you.”

“Try not to fall. I don’t think I could help you up.”

He cracked a smile. “I’m not _that_ drunk.” She gave him a stern look and his smile widened, “But I’ll try.” He turned back to the shower and she left the bathroom to give him some privacy.

Out in his suite, she sat down at the foot of the bed and looked around the room. It was spotless and she had a sneaking suspicion it was Steve’s doing. He always liked to have things cleaned, sometimes it drove her crazy because while she wasn’t messy, she knew where things were, but when Steve would come over, he’d organise everything to the point that she didn’t know where anything was.

Once, she spent an entire hour looking for her car keys – which she always put on the coffee table next to her couch, but Steve moved to the wall “because she had that key hanger” for that and not just décor. That was probably one of the few times she wanted to strangle him

At the memory, she found herself smiling fondly. There had been so many signs that there was something _more_ between them but she had ignored them out of fear that he wouldn’t reciprocate what she felt.

Now they had wasted years of their lives where they could’ve been together, making each other so happy that she’d feel like she was living a romance out of a novel. She wasn’t sure she could do that again, but the decision wasn’t entirely up to her.

Steve opened the bathroom door, holding onto the towel wrapped around his waist and headed straight to his suitcase. Natasha really tried not to look or ogle, but it was kind of hard when there was an Adonis just standing there in front of her.

Droplets of water were sliding down his muscled back and she found herself just following one specific drop of water that slid between the ridges of his muscles. As he moved, rummaging through his clothes to find something to wear, his back muscles also moved under the exertion and if that wasn’t a sight for sore eyes.

Natasha bit her bottom lip, swallowing hard as the drop of water slid further down his back, onto the dip of his lower back and then disappeared. _Porn; that has_ got _to be a category in porn sites._

Steve turned back to look at her, shooting her a sweet smile as he shrugged a shirt over his body and she tried not to sigh too loudly as she caught a glimpse of his chiselled chest. _Yep, definitely porn._

“Let me put these on.” He held the pair of sweatpants up and she motioned for him to go ahead.

When he came back out, he ran his fingers through his damp hair and headed to the mini-fridge. “My head feels like it’s pounding.” He grabbed a water bottle and winced when he swallowed a Tylenol pill.

“Should I let you rest then?”

He shook his head, turning to look at her and said, “No, I…I’d like it if you stayed.”

There was a pause of silence as she tried to weigh her options and then decided that staying a few moments longer wouldn’t hurt anyone. “I can stay ‘till you fall asleep.” She added, “Just to make sure you’re okay.”

He smiled sweetly and took a seat next to her. “Thank you.”

She nodded and forced herself to look away from his chest. His shirt was so freaking tight that she could see the outline of his muscles and as much as she hated to admit it, it was making her feel flustered.

Steve winced again, rubbing his temples and sighed.

“Here,” she walked around the bed, sitting on it to lean her back against the headboard, “lay your head on my lap.” He raised an eyebrow in question but began to move towards her. “Remember on finals week how you helped me with my migraine by rubbing my temples?”

“Yeah,” he smiled tenderly, blue eyes sparkling at the memory, “you fell asleep in about five minutes.”

“You had magic fingers,” she reached for him, letting him place his head on her lap and he laid on the bed vertically, staring up at her with a soft gaze.

For a few moments, they didn’t talk. She just smiled down at him, lips pressed in a sweet line as she brushed the pads of her fingers down the side of his face. Steve closed his eyes, savouring the caress and she traced the chiselled lines of his face.

She started at his blond brows, brushing the hairs gently so they were all facing the same way and then she slid them down, following the bridge of his nose. It was slightly crooked from a fight he had as a kid and Natasha just loved it. It was such a beautiful imperfection.

His eyes fluttered shut and she slid her thumb over his eyelids, brushing his long eyelashes. They sat on the apple of his cheeks, right by a little mole that she just loved to look at.

“Hate you for having longer eyelashes than me.”

That made him smile and he opened his eyes to look up at her. “You shouldn’t; out of the two of us, you’re the beautiful one.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, but he noticed the dust of pink on her cheeks.

“I’m serious, Nat,” he reached up, to cup her cheek and caressed the side of her face, “every time I see you, I feel like the breath’s knocked out of me.” That made her smile and he grinned, “See? You’re like a damn angel.”

“Doesn’t your head hurt?”

He let out a sigh, pulling his hand back and relaxed against her lap. “Doesn’t mean I can’t compliment you.”

“It means,” she admonished, “that you should shut up and go to sleep.”

He grumbled. “You’re bossy.”

“I’m _tired_ ,” she ran her fingers through his hair, gently scraping her fingernails against his scalp and he grunted lowly.

His hair was so soft. A little damp, but just at the ends; it slid through her fingers and from the content expression on Steve’s face, he was enjoying it just as much.

His breathing began to even out and she watched as his chest rose and dropped slowly. She skimmed the back of her hand down the side of his face and he breathed in deeply.

Her eyes widened, startled as he reached up to hold her hand to his face and he stared up at her with pleading eyes. “Stay with me tonight?”

“Steve…”

“Please,” he swallowed, “I don’t…I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

She hesitated, considering the implications but ended up nodding in agreement. “Okay. Let me turn the lights off, then.” She reached over to turn the nightlamp off and then let him lay back down on her lap.

He grabbed her other hand, placing it on his chest and entwined his fingers around hers. She smiled at the feel of his heart beating under her hand and kept combing her fingers through his hair.

\+ + +

They only slept for about four hours.

Thirty minutes into his sleep, Steve realised that Natasha had fallen asleep against the headboard. He sat up to move her and she cuddled up to his side the moment he placed her down on the bed.

Steve woke up first and just smiled widely to himself as he watched her cuddle closer to the bed. Sometime during the night, she had pulled away from his arm to cuddle with the pillow, but he wasn’t complaining because she looked so peaceful and that, in turn, made him happy.

He got up from the bed to brush his teeth and get changed into different clothes, so he could get them something to eat. He was going to let her sleep in, she definitely deserved it, but when he walked out, she was sitting up on the bed, frowning as she looked around.

Natasha ran her fingers through her hair, trying to tame the curls a little and then groaned. She felt disoriented and like she had definitely not slept enough. She rubbed her hand against her eyes and yawned. “What are you doing up?”

“Got hungry, figured I could get us something to eat.”

She yawned again, breathing in deeply and then kicked the sheets off her legs. She was still wearing the dress from the previous night, and she, quite honestly, felt disgusting. Probably smelled like it too,

“I’m going to go take a shower.” She slowly stood up. “I feel gross.”

Steve hesitated, but then blurted out, “Want me to come with?”

She shrugged, too tired to really give him thought out answers. “You can.”

Last night she had taken her heels off before going to search for Steve, but the straps still managed to leave marks behind and make her feet feel like they were throbbing. As soon as she’d showered, she was sure she’d feel better.

She absolutely hated falling asleep without showering, but she had been so tired that it was the last thing on her mind. Plus, she didn’t want to move Steve and wake him, so she fell asleep against the headboard and that’s probably why her lower back was hurting a little.

Until she was standing under the hot stream of water in her shower, she didn’t feel fully awake. She was kind of grumpy, too and she had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with the way her stomach started grumbling.

When she walked out, Steve was sitting on the bed, clicking through the TV channels. He smiled at her sweetly as she folded her dirty clothes and put them inside a bag. She’d wash those tonight when she’d get home.

She quickly brushed her hair, tucking it behind her ears and then slid on a pair of strappy sandals. She turned to Steve with a smile and slid her hands over the skirt of her dress. “Ready?”

He placed his hand on her lower back as they walked down the steps and decided which restaurant to eat at. Out of the seven, only three were opened and serving breakfast and they decided to just eat at the closest one.

While they ate, he asked her about her dance studio and if she liked it. Sure, they were ignoring _the_ talk, but it was nice to catch up. She told him about her students – how little Lila was more interested in watching Natasha dance than actually doing the moves and how the senior citizens she helped out during the weekends were always trying to distract the class by trying to set her up on dates.

Steve burst out laughing when she told him that Mrs. Cartwright had been upset when she told her that she didn’t have a boyfriend and insisted that she date her grandson. Thankfully he turned out to bat for the same team Natasha did and Mrs. Cartwright stopped pestering her.

In turn, Steve told her about some of his patients and how one of the little girls, Martha, cried her heart out when he told her he’d be gone for a few days for his wedding.

“Should’ve taken it as a sign,” he muttered, before taking a sip of his coffee.

Natasha laughed, adding more jelly to her slice of toast. “How did you calm her down?”

He smiled. “I told her I’d bring her a seashell. She told me to bring her the biggest and prettiest one I could find.”

“Well,” she took a sip of her coffee, “will you?”

“It was the first thing I went to look for when we got to the resort.”

The way he grinned and what he said, made her feel like she just unleashed a herd of butterflies in her stomach. She stuffed the slice of toast in her mouth in hopes that it would stop her from saying something stupid.

However, Lorraine seemed to hear her thoughts because she rushed into the restaurant, crying out when she saw them together. Steve swore under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose as he watched her warily.

“What are you doing here?”

“Steve,” she sobbed, smearing her makeup as she knelt in front of him and Natasha tried not to stare too obviously at her slightly deformed nose. It had a white Band-Aid over it, but it was so swollen and black and blue that no amount of makeup could cover it.

Natasha wouldn’t have minded (yes, she would have) if the huge, white puffy dress that she was wearing didn’t attract even more attention to them. The other resort guests eyed them curiously and suddenly, the room went absolutely quiet.

“Please,” her shoulders trembled as tears and snot slid down her face, “please, don’t leave me. I love you.”

“Lorraine,” he rolled his eyes, his jaw ticking in anger, “I told you that the wedding is over. Stop embarrassing yourself. Go home.” He shrugged, “Or don’t go, I don’t care what you do. But stay away from me.”

She threw herself to his legs, hugging them as she pressed her face to his knees. Steve frowned, trying to push her away and hissed under his breath a string of curses.

Natasha shifted uncomfortably on her seat. “I…um, I should get back to my room.”

“No,” Steve shook his head, “Lorraine is the one that’s leaving.”

Lorraine looked up at Natasha, staring at her with red-rimmed eyes and smeared makeup and cried. “This is all your fault. I knew that I shouldn’t have invited you. I just _knew_ it.”

“I didn’t call off the wedding because of Natasha,” Steve pushed her away, “I called it off because I found you fucking some other guy!”

“Steve!” She whimpered, “It’s not…you didn’t let me explain.”

“There was nothing to explain.” He stood up and pushed the chair toward the table. “Go be with him, if he makes you happy.” He held his hand out to Natasha and she stared up at him, begging him to not include her in whatever was happening.

She just wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole.

“Steve,” Lorraine hiccupped, blinking away her tears, “I’m really sorry. Tell me what you want me to do, so I can fix it. I-I love you, Steve. I can’t-”

Steve turned to face her, fury managing to crack through his composed expression. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have been with someone else the night before our wedding, Lorraine!”

“But-”

“How long?” He breathed in deeply, “How long were you with him?”

She swallowed, slowly rising to stand. “I…six months.”

“Jesus, fuck,” He ran his fingers through his hair.

Natasha took a step closer to Steve, taking his hand in hers. “Steve…maybe we should just go.”

He turned back to her, nodding his head and squeezed her hand tightly. Not tight enough to hurt her, but enough that she could tell he was upset. “We’re not getting married today or tomorrow, or ever. I don’t ever want to see you again. Do you understand?”

“Steve-” She began, turning on the waterworks again, but Steve held his hand up, stopping her.

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t love you, Lorraine. You and I were never going to be happy. This? You cheating on me? That was a blessing in disguise. So, please, do yourself a favour and stop being dramatic.”

Before she could say anything else, Steve entwined his fingers with Natasha’s and briskly walked out of the restaurant. She didn’t say anything for a few minutes, just let him walk and clear his mind as he breathed in deeply.

“I’m not…” he sighed, “I’m not even angry that she cheated on me.”

“Steve,” she pulled him in for a hug, “it’s okay to be angry. She betrayed you. You wanted to marry her-”

“To get over you, Nat,” he murmured into her shoulder, holding her tightly, “not because I loved her, not because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Just because I couldn’t be with the woman I truly wanted.”

Natasha sighed, rubbing his back and whispered, “But some part of you cared for her. It’s okay to be upset.”

He pulled back to look at her and breathed in deeply. He brushed his fingers against her jaw gently and bowed his head so he could look in her eyes. “I’m only upset because I wasted time. I could have…I was a coward and for that I’m sorry.”

“Steve-”

“I should have tried looking for you, should’ve-”

She placed her hand over his mouth because she knew that if she didn’t physically shut up him, he’d never stop talking. “Steve, _I_ didn’t answer your calls. _I_ left without telling you why. _I’m_ the one that should be sorry.” Her voice softened, sadness trickling through her tone, “I listened to what your dad said because I was afraid of what could happen with us if I told you how I felt.” She shrugged an arm, smiling at him sweetly, “So, if anyone is the coward, it’s me.”

Steve shook his head, gently tugging her hand from his mouth. “I should have told you how I felt. If I had just done that, we wouldn’t be in this mess right now.” He sighed, pressing his forehead to hers and whispered, “I tried getting over you, Nat. I tried hating you and made things up in my head to try and justify what I felt, but I just…” he closed his eyes and licked his bottom lip, “I would close my eyes and I would see your smile and I couldn’t. I just…I couldn’t hate you.”

He pulled back but stayed close enough to tuck a curl behind her ear. “I don’t know if you feel the same way and I won’t blame you if you don’t, but…” he stared deep into her green eyes, trying to see if he could find the answers to his questions in them, “I don’t want to wait anymore, Nat. I don’t want to be a coward and waste this second chance.”

Natasha didn’t really have any words for him; there were no words that could really ease whatever he was feeling then. And, she didn’t blame him, her heart was also thudding in her chest like a wild stampede of elephants. It was threatening to run away from her and leave her absolutely breathless.

So, she stood on her tiptoes, grabbed his face and pulled him down for a sweet kiss.

Steve groaned into her mouth, quickly wrapping his arms around her waist and squeezed her into his embrace. Her tongue brushed against his bottom lip and he tilted his head, deepening their kiss like a starved man.

She could feel his heart beating against her chest and it felt so intimate that she just wanted to melt. It made her smile and he pulled back, giving her time to catch her breath.

“I think that should answer your question,” she caressed his cheekbone, “and if it doesn’t; I think we should just forget the past. Forget the bad memories and the pain that came with them. If you’re up to it-”

He cut her off with another toe-curling kiss.

“Of course I’m up to it,” he breathed into her mouth, “I’m up to whatever you want.”

Natasha laughed and placed her hand on his chest, keeping him away from her mouth for a few moments so she could speak. “If you’re up to it, I think we should give us a try. I don’t think we have changed much over the past two years, but I don’t think we should just…jump into a relationship. I would like to take our time, to get to know each other again.”

Steve smiled, nodding and the look in his face looked like she had just offered to give him the universe; it made her melt. “So, you’re finally going to let me take you out on a date?”

She furrowed her eyebrows up at him playfully. “Is that your way of asking me out, Steve Rogers?”

“No,” he shook his head, smiling bashfully. “I would like to take you out on a date. On a _real_ date. So,” he cleared his throat, “what do you say?”

“I say,” she draped her arms around his shoulders, grinning, “yes.” She gave him a chaste kiss. “I do have to go back home today. My flight leaves at 6 pm.”

Steve frowned. “You don’t want to stay? I can pay for your flight.”

Natasha shook her head, caressing his cheek softly. “That’s sweet of you, but I can’t. I promised Lila I’d help her practise a few moves tomorrow.”

He seemed a little less disappointed, probably for her benefit, but he nodded in understanding. “You never break your promises.”

She grinned, cheekily. “Exactly.”

“My flight leaves tomorrow. Thankfully we decided to wait until later for a honeymoon…” he sighed, “so, I’ll just be going back to work.”

“That just means you have all day tomorrow to think about where you want to take me.”

Steve nodded, staring at her with sparkling blue eyes and bowed his head to kiss her again. For two people that wanted to take it relatively slowly, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. And in all fairness, Natasha really didn’t want to stop him, but she wanted this to work out.

“No freaking way!” Sam bellowed, laughing loudly as he walked by them. He stopped, yanking Bucky to look at them.

“Took them long enough,” he muttered, shaking his head.

Natasha laughed, hiding her face into Steve’s chest and he tightened his arm around her waist.

“You two lovebirds wanna join us for brunch? I’m freaking starving.”

Steve shrugged, letting her decide and draped his arm over her shoulder. Natasha wrapped hers around his waist and pulled him toward their friends.

“When aren’t you hungry?”

Bucky muttered something in response.

“I’m surprised you still don’t have a beer belly.”

He gasped, pinching her side and she laughed, trying to use Steve’s body as a shield. Sam made a joke in response, calling him a fatass and they began to bicker amongst each other over how much food Bucky could eat.

For a brief second, Steve saw the younger versions of themselves, fighting and playing and he sighed, smiling because he knew that everything would be okay.

This time around, though, he finally had the girl.

Steve pressed a sweet kiss to her temple and ignored the gagging sounds Sam and Bucky began to make.

\+ + +

The next few hours, they spent it walking the resort. Well, Sam, Bucky and Natasha did, while Steve explained to the guests and staff what was happening and why there was no wedding because Lorraine kept trying to make the ceremony happen.

Steve caught up to them a few hours before she had to leave. She had already checked out of the room, so she just spent her time watching Sam and Bucky play a game of volleyball in the pool while insulting each other for hitting the ball out of the water.

It was like babysitting, but they were making her laugh and the shade from the umbrella mixed with the cool breeze felt too nice to just walk away. They splashed her a few times, upset that she was leaving and not getting in the water with them, but she insisted that she didn’t have time to unpack her clothes, to then pack them again. She just wanted to relax.

Steve sat with her, pulling his beach chair closer to hers and they talked about all the possibilities they now had between them until Bucky ran up to them and chucked Steve into the pool.

When the time came for her to leave, they hugged her and kissed her, making her promise to call and tell them when she’d arrive to New Jersey. The flight was only a few hours, but now that she wasn’t dreading seeing him, she couldn’t help but hate the idea of flying back home alone.

Not that she’d ever tell him. The last thing she wanted was to make him end his vacation early. Besides, she really did want to take things slow between them – or at least, as slow as they could before she couldn’t hold back her urges and ripped his clothes off.

Steve called her a taxi and insisted on accompanying her on the drive. She didn’t tell him, but she felt relieved that he would because she had a sneaking suspicion that the moment she left, she’d miss him terribly.

Through the entire drive to the airport, Steve held her hand and caressed every bit of her he could without making the driver kick them out. He kissed her sweetly, brushing his thumb against her bottom lip whenever he pulled back and she grinned at him, totally in love.

He paid the driver to wait for him in the parking lot and carried her luggage up to the checking point. All the while, he didn’t let go of her hand because, sure, he’d see her again in about 48hrs, but after not seeing her for two years, he wanted to make up for lost time.

He hugged her for about five minutes, just squeezing her tightly before she had to walk through the TSA checkpoint and she laughed when he peppered kisses to her lips.

“Steve! I have to go!”

He sighed, cupping her face in his hands. “I don’t want you to.”

“You’re going to make me miss my flight.”

“You’re here an hour earlier.”

She gave him a look. “I still have to go through security. So, let me go.”

He sighed again, borderline dramatic. “You make it hard for a man to be romantic.”

That made her laugh and Steve committed to memory the way her eyes twinkled. “You’ve got the rest of our lives to make it up to me.”

“Oh, yeah?” He leaned forward, kissing her so softly that she found herself leaning in for more. “The rest of our lives?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, slightly breathless. “So, let me go before the TSA guy comes over and kicks us out.”

Steve nodded, tucking back her red curls and leaned back in for another kiss. She smiled against his mouth, sliding her hand up to his cheek and pressed herself closer to him. He wrapped one hand around her waist and kept the other on her luggage.

He pulled back, pressing his forehead to hers and breathed out. “Call me when you land, okay?”

“I will,” she whispered and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him again. “Let me know when you get back to the resort.”

“I will,” he echoed, brushing his thumb against her bottom lip before kissing her again. “Okay, fine,” he sighed, “I’ll let you go.”

Natasha grinned, pulling him in for a hug and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you.” She grabbed the luggage handle and Steve slid his hands in his jean pockets to keep from pulling her back to him.

He watched her with a smile as she entered the line and walked close to her until he couldn’t walk any further. There weren’t that many people this late at night, which was surprising because when they had arrived, it had been utter chaos.

“Hey, Nat?” Steve blurted out and she stopped in her tracks.

“Yeah?”

“I’ll see you Monday at 7, okay?”

She smiled. “Yes, I’ll even wear something nice for you.”

He opened his mouth to tell her that he didn’t care what she wore as long as he got to see her, but what came out of his mouth wasn’t related that at all.

“I love you.”

Her eyes widened momentarily and she turned her body, dragging her luggage behind as she dashed down the lines to kiss him again. He laughed, pulling her into a tight hug as she squeezed herself to him, kissing him as if she could very well spend the rest of her life doing so.

“I love you, too.”

\+ + +

They lasted two dates before ending up in bed.

Natasha didn’t regret it, especially with the way he licked into her for what felt like an eternity.

Two months after, Steve took a job in a hospital in New Jersey and three months after that, they moved in together.

Seven months into their relationship, he asked her to marry him and she threw her arms around him while saying “yes” over and over again.

A year and a half later, they stood in front of all their friends and family, proclaiming their love for one another in a beautiful little gazebo, right outside the Rogers’ grand garden.

Sam walked her down the aisle, squeezing her hand and helping her keep from just running down and asking the officiant to breeze through the vows.

When she reached his side, Steve leaned down to kiss her, unable to help himself because he was practically overflowing with love. That was the look he had never given Lorraine, and thankfully, his dad didn’t meddle in their love life anymore.

Well, he did persuade them to get married out in his garden because the lovebirds had originally wanted to take a few witnesses to the courthouse and do something very quiet.

Joseph and Sarah insisted that they should at least do a little ceremony to commemorate the beginning of their new chapter – and as Steve watched Natasha walk down the aisle, in her beautiful white dress with flowers entwined in her braided hair, he agreed that this was the right choice.

As they promised to love each other for the rest of their lives, their eyes twinkled so much that the fairy lights decorating the gazebo were practically not needed. When Steve kissed her, it felt like the very first time and had they not promised to do a reception, she would have dragged her _husband_ down the aisle and spent the rest of the night showing him just how much she really loved him.

During their first dance, Ed Sheeran crooned on about love – yeah, she grew to not hate him as much – and Steve spun her, loving how her dress swirled around her and she laughed, beaming with happiness as he pulled her back into his arms.

They couldn’t keep their eyes off each other or their hands, for that matter. This was a huge contrast to how he had been with Lorraine on the rehearsal dinner, and it’s not like he wanted to compare the two events, but this was just another example of how much he loved Natasha.

When the song slowly began to end, Steve leaned forward, brushing his lips against her earlobe as he whispered, “Can’t wait to make love to you as Mrs. Rogers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lorraine ended up pregnant with Brock's kid and they got married under the pressure of her parents. The marriage only lasted about six months; she found him cheating on her and left his sorry ass when he complained about the natural changes her body had undergone.
> 
> She was a single mother for a few years before meeting her daughter's daycare teacher. Though she was cautious at first, they had a whirlwind romance and she finally found someone that loved her deeply. 
> 
> When her daughter asked to join the local dance club, she stumbled upon a pregnant Natasha. She was expecting her first baby with Steve and looked to be positively radiant. Lorraine envied her a little because her belly had been so small that it wasn't until Natasha introduced herself as the teacher, that she realised she had a bump. 
> 
> Lorraine genuinely apologised for all the pain she could have caused and was brought to tears when Natasha pulled her in for a hug.
> 
> The first time she saw Steve after that, was for her daughter's dance recital. He smiled at her and even gave her a polite hello. When she introduced her boyfriend, he wished them the best and she watched as he went to look for his wife.
> 
> Her heart felt like bursting (in a good way) when she saw how in love he still looked, although, if it was even possible, he looked even more in love with her. He kissed her deeply and congratulated her for the dance recital, then knelt and kissed her bump gently.
> 
> Steve had definitely married the right girl.


End file.
